2012 Predictions....

Have a great Chrissie peeps and a peaceful New Year eh?

Prez Obama gets blown away at the next American election. Shame. I think he's probably a decent chap - which never bodes well in politics. Someone from something called 'The Tea Party' gets elected and the Earth gets nuked....If I'm right, prediction over.....although his wifey has got rather a fat bottom...

Call Me Dave Cameron finally gets fed up with Little Nicky Clegg and the Liberals and shoots the idiot. Admitedly this is long shot...oops..pardon the pun...

More likely, Argentina realise that America is fucked, Europe hate us (especially Napoleon Sarkozy and Fuhrer Merkel) and re-invade The Falklands. Britain, having suffered ludicrous cuts to its military send in troops who get the crap kicked out of them whilst Britain continues to give billions to Europe and India who are, in chronological order, stupid (Europe) and have a nuclear and space programme (India).

Call Me Dave Cameron suggests that it was incompetence by the military leadership rather than the disfunctional catapults and spud guns that caused the death of over a thousand British service men and women in the South Atlantic.....

Everybody says 'WTF?' and votes in Ed Milliband and The Labour Party who have already made super human efforts to bankrupt the country previously, at which point every sane, and insane, Englishman and woman leaves for New Zealand as it looks very nice and has Hobbits.

The Arab Spring turns into The Al Qaida Floor Show and everyone who isn't an Islamist in Egypt, Syria, Algeria, Libya and all those strange Arab places gets shot/hung/taxed or probably all three for being 'not an Islamist'.....

Greece calls on John Travolta to save them as they haven't realised the spelling is different in English and also fail to realise he's now both fat and believes in Martians...

Former Liverpool and Scotland football player Alan Hansen dresses up as a Black and White Minstrel on Match Of The Day in order to show his support for coloured players - who apparently prefer to be called 'black' thereby excluding Manchester United's Park Ji-Sung who clearly isn't black. Park Ji-Sung sues all black footballers for racism and shoots Sir Alex Ferguson for calling him 'yellow' after he avoids a 50/50 challenge in the Europa league....

Kevin Spacey re-makes the 2012 movie as 2020 when he realises if his 2012 movie is correct, he's fucked too.

Katy Price is arrested for raping Harvey. Harvey pleads insanity, Katy Price gets her tits out and Peter Andre is sent for counselling.....former footballer Dwight Yorke remains unavailable for comment...

Sharia Law is invoked in the County of Devon to avoid a strike by the Chef and Waiters of 'The Raj Pott' in Okehampton'....

A Northern England born Driving Instructor now residing in Hayes Town is arrested for losing what few marbles he has left and mowing down men in dresses and women who may or may not be women as they are hidden underneath large black Bedhouin tents in the High Street.....his driving student claims he shouted 'AAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!" before mowing said dress wearing men and Bedhouin tent wearing women down....

A new ginger cat arrives at The Dinners household by the name of 'Nushka' courtesy of Jax. Dinners has no idea how or why this has occured so feeds it anyway. The current cats A) Accept Nushka, B) Ignore Nushka, C) Beat the crap out of Nushka.

The Mayan's calender is proved accurate and we all die.......or

The Mayan's calender is proved bullshit and the World continues to turn......

I have no idea which I would prefer in so so many ways....

Happy New Year!

One For The Road.....

According to The Mayans - who the fuck were The Mayans anyroad? - the entire world will end in 2012 apart from Kevin Spacey and his ex wife and a few others including, according to the movie, The Queen and her Corgi's.

Now. I may be an animal lover but if it's a straight choice between me and a Corgi the Corgi is toast...end of....well it will be if I survive and there's bugger all else to eat...

I've found the 21st Century a bit sort of odd myself. Perhaps it's the fact that, despite my most strenuous objections, I am growing older. In fact, whilst admiting it is almost physically painful for me to accept I am actually starting to get old.

I used to think 'old' was about 30 on a good day.

On the plus side I was firmly convinced reaching 30 at all would be an unexpected bonus given the amount of unusual substances that have, in the past, meandered about my internal bits.

I suppose, given that above statement, I shouldn't complain.....but I am complaining!

I can handle getting old if everything works as it should and nothing of any consequence falls off but old age doesn't seem to work that way.

I admit I'm not immediately aware of anything falling off but...but...some things don't seem to be working quite as reliably as they once did.

My mind, for starters.

I rang The Dragon (my mother) the other day and she said 'Oh! Happy Birthday on Thursday...er...how old are you now?'

'Why thank you (you old bat why are you still alive?), how old am I? You're my mother!'

'Well! How old are you on Thursday?'

'I'm...er....I'm....erm.....I....er.....ang on...er....1957....er.....OH SHIT!'

'Don't swear at me!'

'I wasn't swearing AT you I was just swearing!...Jesus H fucking Christ! I'm 54!'

'I'm not talking to you if you swear' she said and hung up.

This was a good thing as I was about to swear far more violently than I had.

54?????????????

Excuse me....I need a bit of visual viagra to keep me from ending it all....

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!....That's better....now...where was I?....Oh yes....getting older.....

Oh well....

As Grant Naylor so rightly said....

"You live, you die....the bit in between is called life....ENJOY!"

...Well...at least until my birthday next year which, according to The Mayans, whoever the fuck they are, is the end.

Bastards. They could have least had it for the day after my bloody birthday.

Anyroad. have a good Chrissie and a safe New Year peeps.

4D xx

I leave you with the songs of 2011.....and why not?

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Si thi in 2012 x

All I Want For Christmas is A Dukla Prague Away Kit

That, for the uninitiated, is only one of two pop songs to refer to Subbuteo Table Football...a pastime I enjoyed as a kid and would still if the wifey hadn't made me sell my teams - for a lot of dosh mind you as they were all 70's heavyweights - if you have no idea about Subbuteo I won't explain here...the song was by Half Man Half Biscuit by the by...

The Undertones 'My Perfect Cousin' was the ONLY pop song  to ever mention Subbuteo by name by the way...

Anyroad...

Christmas is coming and I can almost taste my roast parsnips already.....bugger the turkey...give me roast parsnips any day of the week.

Odd how we can get emotional around this time of the year don't you think?

I watched 'The Chronicles Of Narnia - The Voyage Of The Dawn Treader' for the first time last night on Sky.

When I was a kid I read all the Narnia books and loved them.

I burst into tears around the age of 9 reading 'The Voyage Of The Dawn Treader' when Reepicheep the heroic mouse - who had also played a major part in the previous novel 'Prince Caspian' chose to travel on to 'Aslan's Country' which basically meant he died.

My mother...aka The Dragon...snatched the book away and threw it in the bin...she didn't approve of books affecting people in that way.....I rescued it a few minutes later....

Watching the movie on Sky I was startled to find tears trickling at the scene were Reepicheep, as per the book, selects to travel to Aslan's Country at the end of the movie.

Must be something to do with Christmas....or possibly too many Buds......

Interestingly...well it is to me...I'm slightly puzzled why I adore these books so much given that they are clearly Christian and I'm agnostic at best.

Aslan is Jesus. Even at the age of 9 I realised this from The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe. He sacrifices himself for humanity - well, Edmund Pevensie mainly - and is then resurrected again. Ring any bells?

Still. Maintaining my trasdition of being, according to my wife and daughter, a walking contradiction, I love everything about Narnia and recommend it to all who've never had the pleasure.

The three movies available are well worth a watch - although I would most strongly recommend you read the books - not in the order they were written mind you but in the order they should be read -

The Magicians Nephew heralds the very beginnings of Narnia.
The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe introduces the Pevensie children who become the High Kings and Queens of Narnia.
The Horse And His Boy is an adventure set within the reign of the Pevensie children.
Prince Caspian sees the Pevensie's return to rescue Narnia again.
The Voyage Of The Dawn Treader brings back the two younger Pevensie's along with the terrifically obnoxious Eustace Scrubb.
The Silver Chair returns Eustace to Narnia to rescue an enchanted Prince and...
The Last Battle is just that.

Go read them for Christmas.....Go buy them as a Christmas treat for yourselves or someone else.

Right. I'm off to ask the wifey's Vicar why she doesn't read The Chronicles Of Narnia in church.

Be a damn site more interesting than babbling on passages from the Bible that's for sure....

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Rather worrying when my greatest hero is a mouse.....

If I don't get around to another post...have an excellent and drunken Christmas and be careful out there!!!

4D x

Bulldog Spirit

Call Me Dave Cameron told Fuehrer Mirkel and Napoleon Sarkozy to 'fuck off'

Made my year.

I've little or no time for politicians.

Deputy PM Wee Nicky Clegg insisted that, regardless of what the majority of the general populace wanted - ie total withdrawal from the European Union - he would ignore 'popular opimion' and do what is right and fight to keep us in Europe.

Well wee Nicky...that's why the Liberal Democrats have about as much chance of ever being elected as I have of shagging Patsy Kensit......fortunately for the former and sadly for the latter....

A National referendum is unavoidable. It cannot be ducked anymore. Sometime in the new year the people will finally get THEIR say.

Bloody hell.

This 'democracy' lark is not as simple as it seems is it?

Give the people a voice? Good grief!!! Disgraceful behaviour!!! Anyone would think Britain was a democracy!!!

Come the revolution....

Laters n let's be careful of political correctness out there all you honky's, coons, paki's, muzzies, four be two's, tiddley winks, paddy's, leak eaters....anyone I haven't offended yet?....please mail me and I will remember to offend you too in future...my profuse apologies at forgetting you....

oh yeah...let's not forget the Frogs n Krauts eh?

...Don't mention the war..;-)

Where's Dredd When You Need Him???

4 Somalian muslim girls beat the crap out of a white English girl.

Her boyfriend wades in to help her....although his 'wading' seems a bit wobbly at times so it's quite possible he and his girl had quaffed a few as well - but that's hardly the point...

It comes to court and the Somalian girls plead it wasn't really their fault as they were drunk and, being muslim, are not used to drink.

No evidence was presented suggesting the girl or her boyfriend had said anything to incite the attack.

The Somalian muslim girls, however, admitted they'd shouted 'White Slag' and 'White Whore' at her - without provocation.

Not only did the judge refuse to acknowledge it was a 'race hate crime' but he freed the 4 Somalian muslims after agreeing, as they weren't used to alcohol, it was mererly an 'unfortunate incident'.

The judge even suggested the boyfriends hostile reaction to his girlfriend being attacked may have worsened the situation.

You what?????

Come again????

WTF????????

Watch the cctv vid of the incident and see for yourselves.....

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If I was her boyfriend I think I'd be taking a leaf out of Judge Dredd's book.....'I AM THE LAW!'

After being released virtually without punishment....might have been a community order or something in there somewhere - I can neither remember or care - the Somali girls refused to apologise and even gleefully updated their Facebooks that they were 'delighted' or words to that effect.

God forbid that had been my daughter on the receiveing end but I kid you not.

If the so called 'law' had arrived at that sort of conclusion with my daughter as the victim I'd be blogging from prison. Female or not, those coconut headed bitches would have been crippled for life....and that's if I was in a more reasonable frame of mind than I might have been on finding them.......

When the law declines to protect and, if unable to protect, hand out JUST punishments for violent crimes, then it is beholden on us to protect and avenge our own.

'Don't take the law into your own hands' say the courts and police.

There's a law to take??? Who's law would that be then?

Laters 'n let's be careful of drunken Somalians out there eh?

Happy Christmas War Is Starting

John Lennon was, clearly, the eternal optimist to write 'Happy Christmas, War is over'....you would have thought he'd have realised humanity are never happier than when they're blowing the crap out of other bits of humanity.

Take the 'World Wars I & II' for example. I've lost track of the number of people I've spoken to in the past who claimed, in all seriousness, the happiest times of their lives were when the world was kicking the shit out of itself.

The general reasoning seems to be thus....

A portion of the world gets together and agrees that another portion of the world are loonies.

The first portion, having reached said agreement, then bomb the crap out of the loonies and, in the process, all those who are from the section of the world that has agreed just who the loonies are have a jolly good time - obviously excepting the ones who get blown up fighting the loonies of course along with their relatives who have to receive them home in body bags....assuming there's enough left for a body bag....

The Arab world is in disarray.....The Muslim Brotherhood, whoever the hell they are, seem to be slowly taking control....which is clearly a BAD THING if you happen to be other than muslim over there....and, potentially, over here or anywhere else ultimately come to that.

Fuhrer Merkel in Germany and Napoleon Sarkozy in France seem hell bent on creating a European super state under primarily German domination with Sarkozy cheerfully playing the modern role of Vichy France.

The Argies want to have some slogan about 'owning' The Falkland Islands on their Olympic outfits, China continues to look even bigger than it does on world maps, North Korea may or may not nuke South Korea, Iran may or may not nuke any country the mad Mullah's can reach, Israel's Mossad continues to assassinate any and every Iranian nuclear scientist it can find, Call Me Dave Cameron continues to pretend he's still on the playing fields of Eton or wherever he went as the country goes to the dogs...or, more accurately, immigrants, and the world continues to turn...for now....

Obama continues to be America's Prez whilst not actually seeming to do anything other than get hammered by some strange mob who apparently like tea.

Putin in Russia looks like he would like The Soviet Union back if we wouldn't mind awfully

....and, most worryingly of all, Oldham Athletic continue to look unlikely candidates to ever return to the Premiership.

Oh well....

There's always curry and vodka.

I will be inordinantly pissed off if the Mayans are right you know.

The world can't possibly end on December the 22nd!!! That's my birthday!!!

...I could live with the 23rd at a pinch...at least I could have a curry, a few beers and a good shag the night before....

laters...and let's be careful out there eh?...least until December 22nd.....

Racist Tram Lady

If you haven't heard of her yet - or watched the vid - you are clearly living in an underground bunker.

Mad as a hatter........................or is she?

Clearly she is wrong in abusing the nice black ladies on the tram who were almost certainly born in England and, whilst I am sure, rightly proud of their Carribean heritage, equally proud to be British/English.

However.....Racist Tram Lady is very clearly not the brightest star in the firmament...she actually struggles to speak intelligible English for starters......but....but...

The number of Eastern European and African immigrants arriving in Britain is unsustainable.

You can't have nearly 3 million unemployed and allow immigration to continue in the hundreds, let alone the hundreds of thousands.

If you do, ultimately, Racist Tram lady will develop into 'pissed of Englishman/woman....Scotsman/woman' etc etc.

Intelligent people who cry 'ENOUGH' and then the shit hits the fan.

Why?

Because, in between Racist Tram Lady's bizarre verbal attack on anyone who isn't English there is a grain of truth. In her case a very small one admittedly...but a grain none the less.

This IS OUR country. WE ARE fed up of immigrants arriving in what ever guise and regardless of race, creed or colour.

We DO want it to stop and it isn't stopping.

We can laugh at the inadequacies of Racist Tram lady and dismiss her as a loony.

What happens when intelligent people develop the balls to say what they really think?

It won't be a tirade of ridiculous abuse, it will be well thought out and logical - and correct - arguments relating to a blanket ban on immigration and, even, potentially, repatriation.

I seem to think the Nazi's started of in similar vein in the 1930's.....

Ignore Racist Tram lady by all means Liberal Elite....we will...but ignore the deeper cause of her rant at your peril.

http://youtu.be/uVZv7jOb0ms

Laters...and let's be careful of which tram we catch eh?

The Folly Of Europe

Back in the day people used to build 'follies'...buildings that served no real purpose other than because the builder wanted to build them. Some follies are quite remarkable.

The Liberal Elite of Europe wanted to build a 'United States of Europe' - much as Britains Liberal Elite envisaged a multi-cultural/racial nirvana.

Suffice to say they didn't take into account human nature or democracy.

The people were clearly too ignorant to decide so it was decided for them.

Watch yer back Liberal Elite......we've got knives yer know...and we're sharpening them.

Peek-A-Boo!

Sainsbury's. A place I may be barred from.

I am in a queue. The queue stretches beyond the first aisle so, like every other shopper, I am hanging slightly back leaving a two foot gap for other shoppers to get by as I queue with our trolley.

A 'full face job' walks up, looks directly at me and steps in front of my trolley in the queue.

"Excuse me" I say.....she ignores me.

"EXCUSE ME" I say a little louder....she ignores me.

"Bloody ignorant" says the female half of the couple behind me in the queue.

"Too true" says the young Asian male of the couple behind them.

I walk around my trolley - the wifey says 'Don't Dinners' a little too late....not that earlier would have made the slightest difference.

I tap the walking guinness bottle on the shoulder and she turns to me with a look of complete and utter disdain.....well...her eyes do anyroad.....

"There is a queue" I explain, "and you can't just push in. The back of the queue is that way"

She looks me up and down and then turns away and remains in place.

"OI! PEEK-A-BOO!! GET YOUR IGNORANT MUZZIE ARSE OUT OF MY PLACE IN THE QUEUE. NOW!!!"

Her eyes look startled.....she clearly understands English. She flounces off in the direction of a security guard and I resume my place behind my trolley.

A clearly muslim pair of ladies at the next check out catch my eye, smile and appear to nod appreciatively

The two couples behind nod appreciatively. The Asian male actually silently applauds.

Several other shoppers of various races smile.

Two seperate guinness bottles without the hoodies glare at me.

This leads me to believe that there are distinct groups of muzzies.

Sensible ones a la the two who smiled and pig ignorant ones who are generally walking guinness bottles.

I neither know nor care.

Live in MY country by all means but, if you do, YOU WILL respect OUR ways or WE WILL treat you like crap.

You invariably get what you deserve.

The security guard, who appeared to be of Somalian type...you know..the slightly largish coconut shaped heads.....came over with a spotty faced teenager who claimed to be a manager.

"We have had a complaint" said spotty

"So?" I responded

He appeared nonplussed.

"About you sir" he continued with an incredibly pompous tone to his voice.

"Oh piss off you little prick...there are about 10 witnesses that I merely put the bitch in her place. You've a problem then sod off and call plod mate"

"That's right" said the shoppeers behind us....and, to my delight, one of the scarved muslim ladies took the trouble to come back through the cash tills and support me verbally.

Spotty and coconut head withdrew with looks of bewilderment.

"I've always wanted to do that" said the white lady shopper immediately behind us.

Perhaps you should love.

I think they need reminding who runs the show in this country....and it sure as hell ain't them!

Laters and let's be careful out there......

Catching Up

Right. Been absent for a while due to the reasons stated below in't earlier post.

What's been happening then?

A ridiculous number of muzzies are now residing in my adopted home town...Mogadishu has nowt on us....

My driving students are passing at alarmingly regular intervals....

I've kicked the voddy habit....for a while

My doctor continues to express surprise I am still alive....

The wifey keeps increasing my life insurance just in case....

The daughter keeps saying "I love you daddy" immediately followed by "Can I have £50?"

The Germans seem hell bent on trying again as we seem to be a tad short of submarines and ships and soldiers and tanks and such like....sound familiar?

The Government keep insisting we are in a democracy whilst denying us any say on Europe, Immigration and pretty much anything else that they think they know better about....

I have rediscovered my love of Budweiser in the absense of voddy.....

I'm broadcasting every week on SFR and bloody loving it!

My driving school have recieved numourous complaints about me...not from students, who appear to love me without exception thereby underlying the error of examiners in passing them and letting them loose on our roads.....but from Harry Potter Death Eaters who are wandering the streets of Hayes Town....

...when my window is down I cannot resist shouting 'peek-a-boo!!' and several have rang the driving school to claim I am Islamophobic.

The driving school sportingly reply "No he isn't...he's from Oldham"

So...as Merkel's jack booters close in on dear old England I can only say....

"Who won last time Merkel?"

...and don't think we won't this time either you fascist bitch.

laters n let's be careful out there...

Well Hello There!...And how the devil are you?

No I'm not dead...yet.

Yes, I haven't blogged in ages.

You see I thought my old 'tower' was knackered and went and bought another. Unfirtunately I had saved my passwords to the old 'tower' - not to mention various e-mail addresses - so after plugging in my new 'tower' I couldn't remember half of them. Blogger, Facebook.

Eventually I plugged the old - and perfectly fine 'tower' - back in so now I can blog (and I've made a note of the e-mail i use to get on Blogger. Where the hell did I get THAT e-mail address from?....;-)

Anyroad. Lots to catch up on but, for now, it's good to be back - and indeed alive! One of my readers was convinced I'd shuffled off. Not yet Eugene! Not yet!!!

Lots to talk about, not least my smashing new t-shirt courtesy of my pal Stu.

Right. Off to sort Sunday's show.

The Drunk Punk Bowwowwow Special on SFR

Tune in if you get chance....6pm this Sunday...er...tomorrow....

If you read this Monday onwards then tune in the following Sunday for A BOMBSKARE SPECIAL - a 10 piece Scottish Ska Band and they're HOT!!!

Talk soon

Be careful out there!!!

4D x

Jax In Madagascar

I nearly forgot!...I said I'd post a few pics of my baby's adventure in Madagascar....so here's a few...

Taken on the plane showing their location en route.........

Transport to Base Camp 1

On The Way to Base Camp 2

Watch out for Crocs!!!

Jax specialised in the ornithological side of the operation...

But a snake or two never hurt anyone eh?

Kermit in Madagascar

Jax never did find me a singing, dancing Lemur...

Wonder what Ascot would make of this hatwear?

Felt a whole lot better that Max was there to lok after her...

Apparently, the report they have written concerning the balancing of farming against the needs of the natural enviroment is being passed to both the Madagascan Govt and The United Nations. The operation was co-ordinated by some Professor from Oxford University whose name will be on top of the report...just above Jacqui and Max......am I a proud dad?......Course not...;-)

Thanks for bringing her home safe Max.....

There's literally hundreds of incredible pics on Jax's Facebook page....but if you aren't her friend you can't see 'em...so there...;-)

I'll pinch a few more for another post....

Tick Tock

Everyone's clock is ticking. After a blood test the other week my Doc has advised me that mine is ticking pretty quickly.

High cholestrol so back on the Statins. My liver is, apparently, distrssed. Uh? I don't recall upsetting it lately. I must speak to that vodka and tell it to stop insulting my liver.

My Doc has regularly been expressing surprise that I have lived to attend my appointments when I arrive but he's never actually said "Quit smoking, vodka and junk food or you'll do well to go another 5 years....make it 3....or 2....probably not even that"

'The Drunk Punk Show' is back on Scooter Forums Radio from Sunday September 4th (broadcasting live from 6pm UK time) - at this rate it'll have to be renamed 'The Formally Drunk now tea total all bran diet nicotine patches born again health freak Punk Show'.....not really got the same ring to it has it?

Still....now my rightful immortality has come under scrutiny from the Doc I suppose I'd better decide whether to run up enormous debts on the credit card and have some real fun or tone down my life style....a lot apparently.

"What about sex Doc?"
"Much more of the way you live and it'll give you a heart attack!"

Well there are worse ways to go eh?

Tone it down Dinners?......Oh dear....

You live, you die, the bit in between is called LIFE....ENJOY!.....Where does this fit in then?

Now if I cut down to 20 a day and only 1/2 a litre....well...3/4 of a litre.....and only four rashers of bacon and a maybe four sausages and only 3 or 4 eggs and stuff for breakfast......and maybe just 6 pints instead of 8.....er....wassat funny tingle down my left arm?.......er.....oops

Maybe tune in Sunday 4/9 at SFR eh?....Just to see if I've made it that far!...;-)

Laters and HEY!....Let's be careful out there.....

SEX

Now if that 'header' doesn't get a few 'hits' from oddballs and pervs I don't know what will...;-)

In order to prevent this post being inordinantly long and, frankly, silly, I will explain.

Men, and previously, boys, as all men were previously boys, adore sex. Sex is the raison d'etre for many many males. Life is worthless without sex.

I have always been curious what precisely drives us males in this way. I have had many male friends who are clearly happy shagging the woman on their arm despite the appearance of said woman resembling the back end of a bus......each to their own I suppose....

I then considered my own tastes....which would clearly not be approved of by every man.

I actually vaguely knew Patsy Kensit when she was little......if only I'd known!!!!!

With the obvious exception of Caz to whom I have remained resolutely faithful to (apart from the occasional Fridays and gymnasts of Eastern European descent...well??....it's not my bloody fault that Eastern European gymnasts and Fridays exist for Gods sake!!!)......I have reached a conclusion.

I could cheerfully help Winona Ryder out with her shop lifting problems...probably down to a lack of sex if you ask me....

Men are eternally 18 in their heads...or possibly 16....whilst women grow and mature gracefully, ultimately losing interest in sex.

Debbie Harry is now very old...even by my standards....still...with a bit of help from a time traveller eh?..;-)

Women of a certain age....from around 40 or so I suspect...tend to use sex to reward their hubbies for a job well done that they required doing, or to encourage their man to do a job they require doing.

Men, on the other hand, expect sex to continue relatively unabated regardless.

Men, I believe, have the right idea....obviously I am somewhat biased in this opinion.

Sex is fun. The more fun (sex) you can get, the more fun life is.

Mary Millington (RIP) was my first introduction to the naked female form at around 12 years old...that was me at 12 not Mary I hasten to add...;-)

Clearly we are indeed from Mars and women are equally clearly from Venus.

Tastes however are even more clearly a very personal thing.

If I didn't put Katy Manning back up then I'm very clearly suffering from Call Me Al(zheimers)....

One pal of mine is married to a woman who can't walk without her inordinantly fat thighs producing sparks. He adores this lump of lard and finds her incredibly sexy. All attempts to get him psychiatric help have failed abysmally. He is happy so let's leave the poor bugger alone eh?

I will leave you.....OI! Who said "Thank Christ for that!"???....with my own list of desirable females above...not necessarily desirable now as they may be dead....although I do know a chap who thinks necrophilia is cool...perhaps I need to trim my 'friends list' a bit eh?...;-)....along with a couple of vids....

My personal faves?

Clare Grogan...

Tracey Ullman...

Well?

There's really no accounting for taste eh?

Have a good night!!!!!!!!

TORCHWOOD

As John Barrowman is gay I suppose I need to explain making the statement 'I adore John Barrowman'.

Being 'gay' or 'bi' or 'straight' is in your jeans...I beg your pardon...your genes.

I was 'born' straight, John Barrowman was 'born' gay. Such is life.

He is, regardless of anything else, something of a 'consumate entertainer'. I've watched a few other shows of his and he invariably enhances them - 'Such a waste to womanhood' says Caz with a gleam in her eye.....

Being an aficionado of Doctor Who since episode one (the William Hartnell years) back in the late 60's, when as a very young child I hid behind the sofa, I can confidentally say that Captain Jack Harkness aka John Barrowman is the most successful character ever created within the world of Doctor Who other than The Doc himself.

Admittedly Josephine 'Jo' Grant (Katy Manning) was rather consequential to me in my Doctor Who adolescence......that picture with a Dalek kept me erect through several teen years...;-)

OK Dinners...enough Katy Manning already....;-).....there's never enough Katy Manning!!!!....well...at least not from when I was 14 anyroad...;-)

TORCHWOOD, a 'spin-off' from Doctor Who,  just keeps getting better and better. 'TORCHWOOD - Miracle Day' is, frankly, the most extraordinary show I've seen - apart from Doctor Who itself.

All of these are now dead apart from Captain Jack Harkness (centre) and the Welsh bird (far left) - Gwen Cooper played by Eve Myles......

If you haven't been watching it then don't....you'll have no idea WTF is going on. Get the Box Set later.

Actually, if you're new to TORCHWOOD then get every box set.

Apart from Captain Jack and the Welsh bird everyone else that worked for TORCHWOOD through Series 1 to 3 is dead.by Series 4...Torchwood : Miracle Day. Showing now on BBC 1 every Friday at 9pm.

TORCHWOOD was initiated by Queen Victoria in an episode of Doctor Who by the way.....just so you know.

One day...many millenia from now, Captain Jack Harkness may well die after becoming The Face Of Bo.

Then again.....I'm a Doctor Who geek so what do I know?

Watch TORCHWOOD - but not now...get the Box Sets.

I think we can safely say we've established I love TORCHWOOD....and John Barrowman - but in a manly way of course.....

Nowt wrong with being a geek over a TV show....

Remember Hill Street Blues?.....oh yes....now that was a show!!!!!....but right now...it's TORCHWOOD

Laters....'And Hey!....Let's be careful out there"

Guest Post : A Tribute To Scampi From Maximus Spittimus

Man Two Legs came downstairs this morning. Scampi had been a bit wobblymuss lately. I think we all knew he was nearing the end.

Still, 22 years is a good age for a cat! He had been sleeping on an armchair for two weeks and Scampi never slept in any chair.....he slept outside in all weathers and only came in when he was sickimuss - and even then the Two Legs had to wear thick gloves to take him to the Vets!!!!

The Two Legs put a blanky in the kitchen near the cat flap so he could run out when he wanted. Scampi slept on his blankymuss. He stopped running out of the cat flap.

He was lying on his blanky in the kitchen. When man Two Legs walked in to put the kettle on - what is kettle? - Scampi meowed.

Man Two Legs picked him up - that was when I knew. NOBODY. NOBODY ever picked up Scampi.

Man Two Legs carried him to water bowlimuss and tried to get him to drink. He meowed again and Man Two Legs put him back on his blanky.

His will was still there but his old body was letting him down.

Man Two Legs called Lady Two Legs and Little Two Legs and they stroked him and kissed him and he went. Just like that.

Seconds before he went he did something oddimuss.

When his sister, Tiddler, was here he used to put his right paw on her head.

He raised his right paw and held it in mid-air for a while......then he went.

My Scampi has gone.

I am bereft....I am inconsolableimuss....I am hungry....

Feed me!

I is MAXIMUS SPITTIMUS and I has lost my Scampi....now FEED ME!!!!

Bye old friend...sleep tight...Fourdinners, Caz and Jax  xxxxxx

I Predict A Riot

There were 'chancers' out for a laugh or a free Plasma screen TV. There were people who wouldn't ordinarily get involved in this sort of thing but it seemed like fun. Apparently.

A millionaires daughter, a teacher, a Life Guard. People who you'd think wouldn't be there were there and did join in.

They were the minority within the minority though. They weren't the problem.

The 'problem' was, and is, the majority of the minority that created mayhem and anarchy.

Now I do believe a certain amount of anarchy is good for everyones soul personally, but burning down your local community shops doesn't seem particularly high on the intelligence scale.

As one mother stated regarding her young sons involvement - "If yer treat 'em like scum then they'll act like scum"

er....sorry?....You're justifying your young son smashing up his local community shops and causing grief and distress to innocents?....AH! I see.....You were allowed to breed....Quite...

Now most of us have read 'Oliver Twist' haven't we? There's been a 'criminal underclass' in England since before politics came into being - or at least before politicians came into being.

Unfortunately we've had around 13 years of (supposedly) Socialist/Liberal government primarily under that awful creature Tony Bliar.

The Labour party went to war on 'families' and 'English' ways and, frankly, won.

The result has been single mothers that are, on a good day, three brain cells short of plant life and pretty much 'feral' children who've never had a 'clip around the ear hole' because it isn't politically correct and their mothers would never hurt their little preciouses just because they kicked Mr Singh's kid in the head for being a Paki - the fact Mr Singh's kid is actually English of Indian decent would be entirely lost on both mother and precious child.

I have no idea what so ever what the solution is - clearly extermination camps are a no-no. Preventing breeding is equally not a place to go unless Joseph Mengele has been re-incarnated into our Home Secretary...somewhat unlikely methinks...

Interestingly - well I think it is anyroad - virtually all 'rioters' were black or white depending on the areas of the 'riots'.

Very very very few were Asian.

What does that tell us?

Asian culture and communities are heavily into 'family' and the elders guiding the young to keep them on the 'straight and narrow'.

That's why there were so few Asian 'looters'.

That's why Bliar and our 'liberal elite' can never be forgiven.

We are reaping what they sowed under nearly 13 years of Labour government.

If Labour is ever elected to power again in my lifetime....or my daughters lifetime come to that, we deserve all we get.

Be careful out there eh?

London's Burning.....

...So's Nottingham and Liverpool and Bristol and a few other places come to that.

Last night's 'riot's' came as close as Ealing. Ealing???? Nice, quiet, leafy Ealing??? About 20 minutes up the road from me.

WTF is going on???? Some black kid gets shot by the police - he did have a gun incidentally which tends to put you at risk of being shot by the police....or is that just to simple for these kids to comprehend before the bullet goes through their stupid brains? - and riots kick off everywhere?

Bollocks! Plastic bullets and water cannon. A few dumb kids die? Tough. Law abiding citizens are having their lives disrupted - and in some cases their lives turned upside down by their homes being burned down and their cars torched.

Hit a few of these kids with plastic bullets....a few die and they'll soon back off.

Meet fire with fire.

All the shops closed by mid-afternoon today in Hayes. Sainsbury's and Tesco's, the two largest supermarkets closed their doors.

I can understand small businesses 'locking down' to protect themselves but large nationwide companies?

The big companies clearly have no balls. They are being held to ransom by young thugs, accurately described by one lady on the news as 'feral rats'.

Broadcaster and author Darcus Howe tried to make the riot's racial - and it is clear that the majority are indeed black, but certainly not all. White and Asian youths are happily taking part too.

Someone is manipulating them. Someone is organising them.

Whether a group or a few individuals, someone with intelligence - warped perhaps but intelligence none the less - is 'arranging' these anarchistic occurences.

Hayes Town (Downtown Mogadishu) is closed for business since around 3pm today. Uxbridge likewise.

Why?

Because London is deploying 16,000 police officers tonight - very very few of whom will be remotely near Hayes or Uxbridge.

The 'rioters' are clearly violent morons in general. Sub-normal uneducated idiots. But whoever - or whatever - is 'running the show' is/are clearly well organised.

The 'outer boroughs' of London can see it coming.

Nobody knows whether it will happen again at all, where it will happen or when it will happen.

Haven't a scooby myself.

I've got my bayonets at the ready.

You allow the colonisation of your country by alien cultures and masses of similar cultures, closely followed by high unemployment amongst poorly educated and ill disciplined youth who haven't the intelligence to escape the poverty and the lack of a future......

I wonder what you get?

Oh....er....oops....

Nice one politicians. Nice one.

Later's and let's be even more careful out there eh?

Now That Was A Week and it's only Monday!!

Saturday...which I agree is, technically, the previous week, was a blast. Jacqui came home from 6 weeks in Madagascar. A field trip related to her Geography degree.

Several days within the 6 weeks completely cut off from civilisation studying the wlidlife - which sadly, didn't include singing dancing Lemurs despite what the movie suggested. Damn. I wanted one.

She has some incredible pics which will, no doubt, filter down to me at some point and I will proudly display.

For now....the most important pic in my eyes....Jax hugging a weeping Caz as she appeared through 'Arrivals' at Heathrow Airport...Jax expression says it all!..."Oh for Gods sake mother!!!"....;-)

I readily admit....that was the hardest 6 weeks of my life...but also the proudest in a way....Jax worked with an Oxford Professor and her work will appear before The United Nations at some point regarding the natural environment of Madagascar against the needs of farming and such like.

Apparently...her work may even be published at some point...I'll let you know if and when....

My baby's back safe and well. Nuff said.

In the meantime a bus damaged my car during a driving lesson. The bus duly carried on with the driver seemingly oblivious.

"Follow that bus" I cried to my driving student - who was still slightly alarmed at a bus 'brushing' against the car - buses being inordinantly big.

The damage is minor....a bit of paint work...but, as the car is leased I'm buggered if I'm paying for the damage.

We caught up with the bus and I 'took control'. Using my dual controls, I reversed the car in front of the bus to prevent it moving away from its next bus stop.

"You clipped my car" I said to the (clearly Asian) driver.

In fairness he was cool about it and even said later "I doubt a driving instructor would do what you did if it wasn't true"

Being in a very large vehicle he didn't feel the 'brush' and I believe him.

As we exchanged details several passengers got off the bus, clearly annoyed at their journey being interrupted.

Oddly?....All the white passengers remained on board. All those who alighted were clearly Asian/black and without a doubt, muslim.- as was, equally clearly after learning his surname, the driver.

The muslim passengers became very aggressive very quickly.

"You are holding us up!"....."Leave our dirver alone!"....."You are a thief!!"

I have no idea what the last statement meant.

The driver, to his credit, attempted to usher them back on the bus.

Dinners, as you may not be surprised to learn, said "Piss off and mind you're own business...I'm sorting it out with the driver"....ever the diplomat eh?...;-)

One muslim passenger leaned into my face. "You are lying!!!"

My head went back as the 'red mist' descended.

It was similar to a 'Pimms O'Clock moment' really - as per TV adverts in Blighty....

"Picnic blankets? Mums and dads? It's Pimms O' Clock!"

"Wedding party? Embarrassing dancing? It must be Pimms O' Clock!"

"MY FOREHEAD? YOUR NOSE?......etc etc...

The driver - very much to his credit - suddenly appeared between us with his back to me and ushered the dickhead away.

As headbutting the driver in his back would have been grossly unfair I allowed the 'red mist' to dissipate.

So.

1) My car is damaged - albeit only slightly -
2) I was prevented from nutting a mouthy muzzie - probably for the best -
3) Caz burst into tears when Jax emerged from Customs at Heathrow - no surprise there then -
4) I didn't burst into tears when Jax emergef from Customs at Heathrow - I'm a man I am (I so so nearly did)...;-)
5) I am finally drinking a bottle of voddy as tomorrow is a day off for Caz's birthday and I've got the day off.

We're all off to Winchester for the day...I have no idea why...some'at to do with seeing the Cathedral I think but I'm halfway down my litre of voddy and can't remember....

Still.

A day with Caz 'n Jax. Just us. (Max would be welcome too incidentally...the only boyfriend I've never growled at and he did take care of her in Madagascar after all).

Life is good.

Stay out of my way First Bus.....I'm looking to stitch you up....and trust me...I will.

Later's and let's all be well careful out there eh?

Buddy Can You Spare A Dime?

Apparently America is skint. They are struggling to pay their debts.

I have just realised why I am delighted at this turn of events.

We're ALL bloody skint you political morons.

We've been skint for bloody ages!

Take Britain.....somebody pleeeease take Britain....I'm not sure we want it anymore...

Well....we do really...it's supposed to be OUR country...but there are lots of things that are supposed to be eh?

I can just hear Barnsley Sime saying "Chill Dinners" already...stop ranting....I CAN'T!!!

I couldn't give a tuppeny fuck if America is skint.

I could give a tuppeny fuck that Britains elderly and Britains kids and Britains people are NOT getting what they deserve.

Well...not unless they are bloody Somalian muslims they aren't.

50 odd billion pounds to India who have their own Space Programme?????

Come oooooooon!!!!....We've just thrashed them at cricket.....tell them to fuck off and fund their own shit.

Rocket Science?.....Clearly it is to our politicians.

You want a rant?....well...no...probably not but when did that ever stop me eh?...;-)

Parts of East london are now apparently under Shariah Law.....I kid you not....

Posters are sprouting up on bus stops and everywhere advising East Londoners that they now live under Shariah Law.

It's not a joke.

I WANT MY COUNTRY BACK.

Fuck America being skint....their problem....

I WANT MY COUNTRY BACK.

Do You?

Gold Card carrying member of the BNP.....and bloody PROUD TO BE RIGHT NOW.

You don't approve?....fair enough....give me an alternative then. I'll listen. I always do.

GIVE ME AN ALTERNATIVE!!!!!

We're going to hell in a handbasket but I won't lie down.

This is my daughters country....free and democratic (well...free and slightly corrupt actually) but it's all we've got and we have to defend it.

I will.

Will you?

Have any of you any idea of quite how serious this shit is getting?

Be careful out there...and don't you dare smoke or drink alcohol if you live under Shariah law!!!!

  

ps....Caz pointed out something very very spooky.....

9/11.....7/7....

9th September and 7th July.

That shit in Norway?

7/11

July 2011.

Lots of 7's and 11's eh?

"What about the 9's?" I asked with a smug expression...

"Try adding 7 and two one's" she replied.

I think I'd better go to bed now and dream of something nice...........