Buddy Can You Spare A Dime?

Apparently America is skint. They are struggling to pay their debts.

I have just realised why I am delighted at this turn of events.

We're ALL bloody skint you political morons.

We've been skint for bloody ages!

Take Britain.....somebody pleeeease take Britain....I'm not sure we want it anymore...

Well....we do really...it's supposed to be OUR country...but there are lots of things that are supposed to be eh?

I can just hear Barnsley Sime saying "Chill Dinners" already...stop ranting....I CAN'T!!!

I couldn't give a tuppeny fuck if America is skint.

I could give a tuppeny fuck that Britains elderly and Britains kids and Britains people are NOT getting what they deserve.

Well...not unless they are bloody Somalian muslims they aren't.

50 odd billion pounds to India who have their own Space Programme?????

Come oooooooon!!!!....We've just thrashed them at cricket.....tell them to fuck off and fund their own shit.

Rocket Science?.....Clearly it is to our politicians.

You want a rant?....well...no...probably not but when did that ever stop me eh?...;-)

Parts of East london are now apparently under Shariah Law.....I kid you not....

Posters are sprouting up on bus stops and everywhere advising East Londoners that they now live under Shariah Law.

It's not a joke.

I WANT MY COUNTRY BACK.

Fuck America being skint....their problem....

I WANT MY COUNTRY BACK.

Do You?

Gold Card carrying member of the BNP.....and bloody PROUD TO BE RIGHT NOW.

You don't approve?....fair enough....give me an alternative then. I'll listen. I always do.

GIVE ME AN ALTERNATIVE!!!!!

We're going to hell in a handbasket but I won't lie down.

This is my daughters country....free and democratic (well...free and slightly corrupt actually) but it's all we've got and we have to defend it.

I will.

Will you?

Have any of you any idea of quite how serious this shit is getting?

Be careful out there...and don't you dare smoke or drink alcohol if you live under Shariah law!!!!

  

ps....Caz pointed out something very very spooky.....

9/11.....7/7....

9th September and 7th July.

That shit in Norway?

7/11

July 2011.

Lots of 7's and 11's eh?

"What about the 9's?" I asked with a smug expression...

"Try adding 7 and two one's" she replied.

I think I'd better go to bed now and dream of something nice...........

Chill Dinners...Chill!!!

I have sat cross legged on the floor, put my thumbs together and said "Ohmmm" several times.

Then I drank some voddy and repeated the exercise.....

My li'l bro Sime is quite right. I switched to DILLIGAF II to chill not rant away and off I went again...ranting away.

Daft old bugger.

As a Driving Instructor my car is like the bloody United Nations - not entirely surprising given I live near Heathrow Airport I suppose.

Ukranian, Bulgarian, Indian, Sri Lankan, Spanish, Kenyan, Vietnamese, Irish, Welsh, Scottish, Latvian, Lithuanian, Argentinian, Brazilian, Somalian.......and that's the students past and present I can bring to mind immediately...oh...yeah...a few English as well...;-)

I rapidly reached the conclusion that learning to drive and indeed, becoming a good driver is not related in any way shape or form to intelligence.

One of my students believed, and, as far as I know, still believes that the 30 odd sheep we saw grazing on a steep hill on one of the Staines Reservoir's all facing the same way were doing so as they'd been specially bred with their right legs shorter than their left in order to graze on steep inclines - turning around would result in them falling over and rolling down the hill.

I didn't actually think she'd entirely believed me until we saw a dozen or so the next driving lesson facing the opposite way.

"Oh look Dinners! They've got their left legs shorter!" she exclaimed excitedly.....

"Bugger the sheep...watch where you're going!"......I think I must be evil....;-)

Passing your Driving Test is a bloody lottery you know.

My best student by far took 3 bloody goes!!!

"You drive better than me" said the Examiner.

"I've passed then?" she asked

"Unfortunately not" he replied.

Uh?......Don't ask me...I'm just more qualified than the Examiner...he/she just asseses on the day....I train them for the day from scratch.

"You drive better than me but you've failed"......now explain that one to me!!!

Still, I've never been happier in my life than I am now - at least as far as a job goes.

"What's this £70?" I asked a student

"Well I forgot to pay you for the last 2 lessons so here it is"

I had no idea - it drives Caz crazy....."Dinners!!!! You're meant to be a businessman now!!!"

"It's more a vocation love"

"What????"

"Er...any ideas on a vacation?"

Fat Kids

Now look.

Saying someone is 'fat' is now classed as politically incorrect.

Shame.

You're fat. FAT FAT FAT.

Fat means you are eating too much and you are on the way to heart problems and diabetes and such like..

I am 'overweight'. I need to lose about 2 stone. I am not yet obese but, compared to healthy people, I AM fat. At least fat(ish)

Do I have a problem with anyone sayng I'm fat?

Yep. I'm not. At least not in comparison to so many kids and parents who wobble along our streets every day of the week.

Compared to them I'm a male Kate Moss.

You can't say 'fat' Dinners...it upsets them.

DILLIGAF?

Look you FAT piece of lard. Lose weight. FAT is NOT attractive. If you are FAT you are NOT attractive to anyone unless they are slightly perverted and have a perversion for 'fatness'.

At 53 I have a bit of a 'tummy'....possibly years of glorious alcohol abuse or possibly because I am now middle aged and the only excercise I get is blinking occasionally....I could mention many many many curries but that is probably a 'given' in my case..

If you have a child who is obese you are both stupid and cruel (unless in the highly unlikely eventuality they have a genuine problem that includes obesity)

99% of children are FAT because their parents have allowed them to be FAT and, are probably FAT themselves.

Some Doctor has suggested 'fat kids' need to be taken away from their parents and 'slimmed down'.

I agree.

FAT is not physically or visually attractive. Sorry Beth Ditto. Great voice but you are a tub of lard. Perhaps more to the point it's down right unhealthy.......

Now.

Slightly delicate territory here.

My bestest pal and baby bro, Barnsley Sime, is not small by any estimation.

He would even openly admit that he is not slim...indeed...he would openly admit that he is FAT....Very obese actually.

I love the guy. He is my baby bro.

He is, however, going to die before me (probably).

Why?

He is very FAT.

Admitedly a Scooter accident resulting in him almost losing his foot and restricting his mobility has hardly helped....

As I said above...there are exceptions to why people become obese.....however...there are also ways of addressing obesity even in extremiss.

Getting excercise when you can't walk much is somewhat tricky at best.

I believe Sime was 'big lad' before his accident so obesity was only around the corner and avoiding said corner was nigh on impossible after the accident...or was it?

I can't preach.

My belly stops me from preaching. My insatiable consumption of curry stops me from preaching.

I can change things.

Sime - with considerably more difficulty than me - can change things. FAT adults can change things should they so desire.

Even if, for medical reasons or circumstances they can't - or find it impossible to....

Kids can't.

If their parents - mainly fatties in my experience - continue to allow their kids to become increasingly 'fatties' then, albeit they love their kids, they have lost the right to keep them.

The current 'politically correct' world we live in is allowing parents who are, usually, fat, to make their kids fat as well.

That is unforgivable. It is 'child abuse'.

Be fat and happy by all means but don't visit your 'fatness' on your kids.

Am I in trouble again?...Probably...

Still...in the world we live in I am categorised as 'FAT' so if a 'fattie' can't say this who the fuck can???

DILLIGAF!

MAKEM LAND

Now THAT was a bloody loooooong way to drive....just there, let alone back as well!!!

Getting there was a loooong way...getting back was virtually infinity!!!!

'I close my eye's and count to ten'.....Tracey Ullman...oh dear Dinners...wakey wakey!!!!

I attended the wedding of 'Shoe' and 'Vespa' aka Shoe Shine (Neil...not THIS Neil I hasten to add) and Sue.

I learnt a valuable lesson.

Never attend a wedding/disco in a part of England that has always been 'alien' to you because you won't have a bloody clue what anyone is saying.

'Yer canny mon'

Lesson Two. Attend regardless of Lesson 1 as you'll have a ball!!!

'Yer canny mon' apparently means, in some semblence of English, 'We like you'.

An extraordinary weekend seeing two people marry because they love each other.

A cracking reception tied into a 'scooter rally'. The company of my adopted baby brother Barnsley Sime being a lovely bonus.

The booze flowed, Dinners got insanely drunk for two nights and....woke up in a tent in the field of a rugby club called Bishop Auckland having no idea why he was in a tent or why he was in the field of a rugby club.

Now if that doesn't make a good time I don't know what does.

Fuck me sideways. How I have made 53 is a mystery to not only me, but, quite conceivably, medical science.

I love the MAKEMS and, perhaps, slightly worryingly, the MAKEMS seem to love me.

I'm MINT I am.....I'm CANNY I am...The MAKEMS said so....so there!!!!!

MAKEMS are, frankly, beautiful people.

I know. I was looked after by them.

Shoe Shine? Vespa? Trev? Gavin? Tush et al.

You are THE BUSINESS.

Later's and let's be careful out there eh?

They don't MAKEM like that anymore...

Right...I'm off.

Picking up Barnsley Sime tomorrow...then off to Sunderland for a wedding.

Laters peeps...

...and be careful out there eh?