Friday, 23 December 2011

2012 Predictions....

Have a great Chrissie peeps and a peaceful New Year eh?

Prez Obama gets blown away at the next American election. Shame. I think he's probably a decent chap - which never bodes well in politics. Someone from something called 'The Tea Party' gets elected and the Earth gets nuked....If I'm right, prediction over.....although his wifey has got rather a fat bottom...

Call Me Dave Cameron finally gets fed up with Little Nicky Clegg and the Liberals and shoots the idiot. Admitedly this is long shot...oops..pardon the pun...

More likely, Argentina realise that America is fucked, Europe hate us (especially Napoleon Sarkozy and Fuhrer Merkel) and re-invade The Falklands. Britain, having suffered ludicrous cuts to its military send in troops who get the crap kicked out of them whilst Britain continues to give billions to Europe and India who are, in chronological order, stupid (Europe) and have a nuclear and space programme (India).

Call Me Dave Cameron suggests that it was incompetence by the military leadership rather than the disfunctional catapults and spud guns that caused the death of over a thousand British service men and women in the South Atlantic.....

Everybody says 'WTF?' and votes in Ed Milliband and The Labour Party who have already made super human efforts to bankrupt the country previously, at which point every sane, and insane, Englishman and woman leaves for New Zealand as it looks very nice and has Hobbits.

The Arab Spring turns into The Al Qaida Floor Show and everyone who isn't an Islamist in Egypt, Syria, Algeria, Libya and all those strange Arab places gets shot/hung/taxed or probably all three for being 'not an Islamist'.....

Greece calls on John Travolta to save them as they haven't realised the spelling is different in English and also fail to realise he's now both fat and believes in Martians...

Former Liverpool and Scotland football player Alan Hansen dresses up as a Black and White Minstrel on Match Of The Day in order to show his support for coloured players - who apparently prefer to be called 'black' thereby excluding Manchester United's Park Ji-Sung who clearly isn't black. Park Ji-Sung sues all black footballers for racism and shoots Sir Alex Ferguson for calling him 'yellow' after he avoids a 50/50 challenge in the Europa league....

Kevin Spacey re-makes the 2012 movie as 2020 when he realises if his 2012 movie is correct, he's fucked too.

Katy Price is arrested for raping Harvey. Harvey pleads insanity, Katy Price gets her tits out and Peter Andre is sent for counselling.....former footballer Dwight Yorke remains unavailable for comment...

Sharia Law is invoked in the County of Devon to avoid a strike by the Chef and Waiters of 'The Raj Pott' in Okehampton'....

A Northern England born Driving Instructor now residing in Hayes Town is arrested for losing what few marbles he has left and mowing down men in dresses and women who may or may not be women as they are hidden underneath large black Bedhouin tents in the High Street.....his driving student claims he shouted 'AAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!" before mowing said dress wearing men and Bedhouin tent wearing women down....

A new ginger cat arrives at The Dinners household by the name of 'Nushka' courtesy of Jax. Dinners has no idea how or why this has occured so feeds it anyway. The current cats A) Accept Nushka, B) Ignore Nushka, C) Beat the crap out of Nushka.

The Mayan's calender is proved accurate and we all die.......or

The Mayan's calender is proved bullshit and the World continues to turn......

I have no idea which I would prefer in so so many ways....

Happy New Year!

Tuesday, 20 December 2011

One For The Road.....

According to The Mayans - who the fuck were The Mayans anyroad? - the entire world will end in 2012 apart from Kevin Spacey and his ex wife and a few others including, according to the movie, The Queen and her Corgi's.

Now. I may be an animal lover but if it's a straight choice between me and a Corgi the Corgi is toast...end of....well it will be if I survive and there's bugger all else to eat...

I've found the 21st Century a bit sort of odd myself. Perhaps it's the fact that, despite my most strenuous objections, I am growing older. In fact, whilst admiting it is almost physically painful for me to accept I am actually starting to get old.

I used to think 'old' was about 30 on a good day.

On the plus side I was firmly convinced reaching 30 at all would be an unexpected bonus given the amount of unusual substances that have, in the past, meandered about my internal bits.

I suppose, given that above statement, I shouldn't complain.....but I am complaining!

I can handle getting old if everything works as it should and nothing of any consequence falls off but old age doesn't seem to work that way.

I admit I'm not immediately aware of anything falling off but...but...some things don't seem to be working quite as reliably as they once did.

My mind, for starters.

I rang The Dragon (my mother) the other day and she said 'Oh! Happy Birthday on old are you now?'

'Why thank you (you old bat why are you still alive?), how old am I? You're my mother!'

'Well! How old are you on Thursday?'

'I'' SHIT!'

'Don't swear at me!'

'I wasn't swearing AT you I was just swearing!...Jesus H fucking Christ! I'm 54!'

'I'm not talking to you if you swear' she said and hung up.

This was a good thing as I was about to swear far more violently than I had.


Excuse me....I need a bit of visual viagra to keep me from ending it all....

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!....That's was I?....Oh yes....getting older.....

Oh well....

As Grant Naylor so rightly said....

"You live, you die....the bit in between is called life....ENJOY!" least until my birthday next year which, according to The Mayans, whoever the fuck they are, is the end.

Bastards. They could have least had it for the day after my bloody birthday.

Anyroad. have a good Chrissie and a safe New Year peeps.

4D xx

I leave you with the songs of 2011.....and why not?

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Si thi in 2012 x

Saturday, 17 December 2011

All I Want For Christmas is A Dukla Prague Away Kit

That, for the uninitiated, is only one of two pop songs to refer to Subbuteo Table Football...a pastime I enjoyed as a kid and would still if the wifey hadn't made me sell my teams - for a lot of dosh mind you as they were all 70's heavyweights - if you have no idea about Subbuteo I won't explain here...the song was by Half Man Half Biscuit by the by...

The Undertones 'My Perfect Cousin' was the ONLY pop song  to ever mention Subbuteo by name by the way...


Christmas is coming and I can almost taste my roast parsnips already.....bugger the turkey...give me roast parsnips any day of the week.

Odd how we can get emotional around this time of the year don't you think?

I watched 'The Chronicles Of Narnia - The Voyage Of The Dawn Treader' for the first time last night on Sky.

When I was a kid I read all the Narnia books and loved them.

I burst into tears around the age of 9 reading 'The Voyage Of The Dawn Treader' when Reepicheep the heroic mouse - who had also played a major part in the previous novel 'Prince Caspian' chose to travel on to 'Aslan's Country' which basically meant he died.
My mother...aka The Dragon...snatched the book away and threw it in the bin...she didn't approve of books affecting people in that way.....I rescued it a few minutes later....

Watching the movie on Sky I was startled to find tears trickling at the scene were Reepicheep, as per the book, selects to travel to Aslan's Country at the end of the movie.

Must be something to do with Christmas....or possibly too many Buds......

Interestingly...well it is to me...I'm slightly puzzled why I adore these books so much given that they are clearly Christian and I'm agnostic at best.

Aslan is Jesus. Even at the age of 9 I realised this from The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe. He sacrifices himself for humanity - well, Edmund Pevensie mainly - and is then resurrected again. Ring any bells?

Still. Maintaining my trasdition of being, according to my wife and daughter, a walking contradiction, I love everything about Narnia and recommend it to all who've never had the pleasure.

The three movies available are well worth a watch - although I would most strongly recommend you read the books - not in the order they were written mind you but in the order they should be read -

The Magicians Nephew heralds the very beginnings of Narnia.
The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe introduces the Pevensie children who become the High Kings and Queens of Narnia.
The Horse And His Boy is an adventure set within the reign of the Pevensie children.
Prince Caspian sees the Pevensie's return to rescue Narnia again.
The Voyage Of The Dawn Treader brings back the two younger Pevensie's along with the terrifically obnoxious Eustace Scrubb.
The Silver Chair returns Eustace to Narnia to rescue an enchanted Prince and...
The Last Battle is just that.

Go read them for Christmas.....Go buy them as a Christmas treat for yourselves or someone else.

Right. I'm off to ask the wifey's Vicar why she doesn't read The Chronicles Of Narnia in church.

Be a damn site more interesting than babbling on passages from the Bible that's for sure....

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Rather worrying when my greatest hero is a mouse.....

If I don't get around to another post...have an excellent and drunken Christmas and be careful out there!!!

4D x

Sunday, 11 December 2011

Bulldog Spirit

Call Me Dave Cameron told Fuehrer Mirkel and Napoleon Sarkozy to 'fuck off'

Made my year.

I've little or no time for politicians.

Deputy PM Wee Nicky Clegg insisted that, regardless of what the majority of the general populace wanted - ie total withdrawal from the European Union - he would ignore 'popular opimion' and do what is right and fight to keep us in Europe.

Well wee Nicky...that's why the Liberal Democrats have about as much chance of ever being elected as I have of shagging Patsy Kensit......fortunately for the former and sadly for the latter....

A National referendum is unavoidable. It cannot be ducked anymore. Sometime in the new year the people will finally get THEIR say.

Bloody hell.

This 'democracy' lark is not as simple as it seems is it?

Give the people a voice? Good grief!!! Disgraceful behaviour!!! Anyone would think Britain was a democracy!!!

Come the revolution....

Laters n let's be careful of political correctness out there all you honky's, coons, paki's, muzzies, four be two's, tiddley winks, paddy's, leak eaters....anyone I haven't offended yet?....please mail me and I will remember to offend you too in profuse apologies at forgetting you....

oh yeah...let's not forget the Frogs n Krauts eh?

...Don't mention the war..;-)

Thursday, 8 December 2011

Where's Dredd When You Need Him???

4 Somalian muslim girls beat the crap out of a white English girl.

Her boyfriend wades in to help her....although his 'wading' seems a bit wobbly at times so it's quite possible he and his girl had quaffed a few as well - but that's hardly the point...

It comes to court and the Somalian girls plead it wasn't really their fault as they were drunk and, being muslim, are not used to drink.

No evidence was presented suggesting the girl or her boyfriend had said anything to incite the attack.

The Somalian muslim girls, however, admitted they'd shouted 'White Slag' and 'White Whore' at her - without provocation.

Not only did the judge refuse to acknowledge it was a 'race hate crime' but he freed the 4 Somalian muslims after agreeing, as they weren't used to alcohol, it was mererly an 'unfortunate incident'.

The judge even suggested the boyfriends hostile reaction to his girlfriend being attacked may have worsened the situation.

You what?????

Come again????


Watch the cctv vid of the incident and see for yourselves.....

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If I was her boyfriend I think I'd be taking a leaf out of Judge Dredd's book.....'I AM THE LAW!'

After being released virtually without punishment....might have been a community order or something in there somewhere - I can neither remember or care - the Somali girls refused to apologise and even gleefully updated their Facebooks that they were 'delighted' or words to that effect.

God forbid that had been my daughter on the receiveing end but I kid you not.

If the so called 'law' had arrived at that sort of conclusion with my daughter as the victim I'd be blogging from prison. Female or not, those coconut headed bitches would have been crippled for life....and that's if I was in a more reasonable frame of mind than I might have been on finding them.......

When the law declines to protect and, if unable to protect, hand out JUST punishments for violent crimes, then it is beholden on us to protect and avenge our own.

'Don't take the law into your own hands' say the courts and police.

There's a law to take??? Who's law would that be then?

Laters 'n let's be careful of drunken Somalians out there eh?

Tuesday, 6 December 2011

Happy Christmas War Is Starting

John Lennon was, clearly, the eternal optimist to write 'Happy Christmas, War is over' would have thought he'd have realised humanity are never happier than when they're blowing the crap out of other bits of humanity.

Take the 'World Wars I & II' for example. I've lost track of the number of people I've spoken to in the past who claimed, in all seriousness, the happiest times of their lives were when the world was kicking the shit out of itself.

The general reasoning seems to be thus....

A portion of the world gets together and agrees that another portion of the world are loonies.

The first portion, having reached said agreement, then bomb the crap out of the loonies and, in the process, all those who are from the section of the world that has agreed just who the loonies are have a jolly good time - obviously excepting the ones who get blown up fighting the loonies of course along with their relatives who have to receive them home in body bags....assuming there's enough left for a body bag....

The Arab world is in disarray.....The Muslim Brotherhood, whoever the hell they are, seem to be slowly taking control....which is clearly a BAD THING if you happen to be other than muslim over there....and, potentially, over here or anywhere else ultimately come to that.

Fuhrer Merkel in Germany and Napoleon Sarkozy in France seem hell bent on creating a European super state under primarily German domination with Sarkozy cheerfully playing the modern role of Vichy France.

The Argies want to have some slogan about 'owning' The Falkland Islands on their Olympic outfits, China continues to look even bigger than it does on world maps, North Korea may or may not nuke South Korea, Iran may or may not nuke any country the mad Mullah's can reach, Israel's Mossad continues to assassinate any and every Iranian nuclear scientist it can find, Call Me Dave Cameron continues to pretend he's still on the playing fields of Eton or wherever he went as the country goes to the dogs...or, more accurately, immigrants, and the world continues to turn...for now....

Obama continues to be America's Prez whilst not actually seeming to do anything other than get hammered by some strange mob who apparently like tea.

Putin in Russia looks like he would like The Soviet Union back if we wouldn't mind awfully

....and, most worryingly of all, Oldham Athletic continue to look unlikely candidates to ever return to the Premiership.

Oh well....

There's always curry and vodka.

I will be inordinantly pissed off if the Mayans are right you know.

The world can't possibly end on December the 22nd!!! That's my birthday!!!

...I could live with the 23rd at a least I could have a curry, a few beers and a good shag the night before....

laters...and let's be careful out there eh?...least until December 22nd.....

Thursday, 1 December 2011

Racist Tram Lady

If you haven't heard of her yet - or watched the vid - you are clearly living in an underground bunker.

Mad as a hatter........................or is she?

Clearly she is wrong in abusing the nice black ladies on the tram who were almost certainly born in England and, whilst I am sure, rightly proud of their Carribean heritage, equally proud to be British/English.

However.....Racist Tram Lady is very clearly not the brightest star in the firmament...she actually struggles to speak intelligible English for starters......but....but...

The number of Eastern European and African immigrants arriving in Britain is unsustainable.

You can't have nearly 3 million unemployed and allow immigration to continue in the hundreds, let alone the hundreds of thousands.

If you do, ultimately, Racist Tram lady will develop into 'pissed of Englishman/woman....Scotsman/woman' etc etc.

Intelligent people who cry 'ENOUGH' and then the shit hits the fan.


Because, in between Racist Tram Lady's bizarre verbal attack on anyone who isn't English there is a grain of truth. In her case a very small one admittedly...but a grain none the less.

This IS OUR country. WE ARE fed up of immigrants arriving in what ever guise and regardless of race, creed or colour.

We DO want it to stop and it isn't stopping.

We can laugh at the inadequacies of Racist Tram lady and dismiss her as a loony.

What happens when intelligent people develop the balls to say what they really think?

It won't be a tirade of ridiculous abuse, it will be well thought out and logical - and correct - arguments relating to a blanket ban on immigration and, even, potentially, repatriation.

I seem to think the Nazi's started of in similar vein in the 1930's.....

Ignore Racist Tram lady by all means Liberal Elite....we will...but ignore the deeper cause of her rant at your peril.

Laters...and let's be careful of which tram we catch eh?