Sunday, 28 August 2011

Jax In Madagascar

I nearly forgot!...I said I'd post a few pics of my baby's adventure in here's a few...

Taken on the plane showing their location en route.........
Transport to Base Camp 1
On The Way to Base Camp 2
Watch out for Crocs!!!
Jax specialised in the ornithological side of the operation...
But a snake or two never hurt anyone eh?
Kermit in Madagascar
Jax never did find me a singing, dancing Lemur...
Wonder what Ascot would make of this hatwear?
Felt a whole lot better that Max was there to lok after her...

Apparently, the report they have written concerning the balancing of farming against the needs of the natural enviroment is being passed to both the Madagascan Govt and The United Nations. The operation was co-ordinated by some Professor from Oxford University whose name will be on top of the report...just above Jacqui and I a proud dad?......Course not...;-)
Thanks for bringing her home safe Max.....

There's literally hundreds of incredible pics on Jax's Facebook page....but if you aren't her friend you can't see ' there...;-)

I'll pinch a few more for another post....

Tick Tock

Everyone's clock is ticking. After a blood test the other week my Doc has advised me that mine is ticking pretty quickly.

High cholestrol so back on the Statins. My liver is, apparently, distrssed. Uh? I don't recall upsetting it lately. I must speak to that vodka and tell it to stop insulting my liver.

My Doc has regularly been expressing surprise that I have lived to attend my appointments when I arrive but he's never actually said "Quit smoking, vodka and junk food or you'll do well to go another 5 years....make it 3....or 2....probably not even that"

'The Drunk Punk Show' is back on Scooter Forums Radio from Sunday September 4th (broadcasting live from 6pm UK time) - at this rate it'll have to be renamed 'The Formally Drunk now tea total all bran diet nicotine patches born again health freak Punk Show'.....not really got the same ring to it has it? my rightful immortality has come under scrutiny from the Doc I suppose I'd better decide whether to run up enormous debts on the credit card and have some real fun or tone down my life style....a lot apparently.

"What about sex Doc?"
"Much more of the way you live and it'll give you a heart attack!"

Well there are worse ways to go eh?

Tone it down Dinners?......Oh dear....

You live, you die, the bit in between is called LIFE....ENJOY!.....Where does this fit in then?

Now if I cut down to 20 a day and only 1/2 a litre....well...3/4 of a litre.....and only four rashers of bacon and a maybe four sausages and only 3 or 4 eggs and stuff for breakfast......and maybe just 6 pints instead of funny tingle down my left arm?

Maybe tune in Sunday 4/9 at SFR eh?....Just to see if I've made it that far!...;-)

Laters and HEY!....Let's be careful out there.....

Friday, 19 August 2011


Now if that 'header' doesn't get a few 'hits' from oddballs and pervs I don't know what will...;-)

In order to prevent this post being inordinantly long and, frankly, silly, I will explain.

Men, and previously, boys, as all men were previously boys, adore sex. Sex is the raison d'etre for many many males. Life is worthless without sex.

I have always been curious what precisely drives us males in this way. I have had many male friends who are clearly happy shagging the woman on their arm despite the appearance of said woman resembling the back end of a bus......each to their own I suppose....

I then considered my own tastes....which would clearly not be approved of by every man.
I actually vaguely knew Patsy Kensit when she was little......if only I'd known!!!!!

With the obvious exception of Caz to whom I have remained resolutely faithful to (apart from the occasional Fridays and gymnasts of Eastern European descent...well??'s not my bloody fault that Eastern European gymnasts and Fridays exist for Gods sake!!!)......I have reached a conclusion.
I could cheerfully help Winona Ryder out with her shop lifting problems...probably down to a lack of sex if you ask me....

Men are eternally 18 in their heads...or possibly 16....whilst women grow and mature gracefully, ultimately losing interest in sex.
Debbie Harry is now very old...even by my standards....still...with a bit of help from a time traveller eh?..;-)

Women of a certain age....from around 40 or so I suspect...tend to use sex to reward their hubbies for a job well done that they required doing, or to encourage their man to do a job they require doing.

Men, on the other hand, expect sex to continue relatively unabated regardless.

Men, I believe, have the right idea....obviously I am somewhat biased in this opinion.

Sex is fun. The more fun (sex) you can get, the more fun life is.
Mary Millington (RIP) was my first introduction to the naked female form at around 12 years old...that was me at 12 not Mary I hasten to add...;-)

Clearly we are indeed from Mars and women are equally clearly from Venus.

Tastes however are even more clearly a very personal thing.
If I didn't put Katy Manning back up then I'm very clearly suffering from Call Me Al(zheimers)....

One pal of mine is married to a woman who can't walk without her inordinantly fat thighs producing sparks. He adores this lump of lard and finds her incredibly sexy. All attempts to get him psychiatric help have failed abysmally. He is happy so let's leave the poor bugger alone eh?

I will leave you.....OI! Who said "Thank Christ for that!"???....with my own list of desirable females above...not necessarily desirable now as they may be dead....although I do know a chap who thinks necrophilia is cool...perhaps I need to trim my 'friends list' a bit eh?...;-)....along with a couple of vids....

My personal faves?

Clare Grogan...

Tracey Ullman...


There's really no accounting for taste eh?

Have a good night!!!!!!!!

Thursday, 18 August 2011


As John Barrowman is gay I suppose I need to explain making the statement 'I adore John Barrowman'.

Being 'gay' or 'bi' or 'straight' is in your jeans...I beg your pardon...your genes.

I was 'born' straight, John Barrowman was 'born' gay. Such is life.

He is, regardless of anything else, something of a 'consumate entertainer'. I've watched a few other shows of his and he invariably enhances them - 'Such a waste to womanhood' says Caz with a gleam in her eye.....

Being an aficionado of Doctor Who since episode one (the William Hartnell years) back in the late 60's, when as a very young child I hid behind the sofa, I can confidentally say that Captain Jack Harkness aka John Barrowman is the most successful character ever created within the world of Doctor Who other than The Doc himself.

Admittedly Josephine 'Jo' Grant (Katy Manning) was rather consequential to me in my Doctor Who adolescence......that picture with a Dalek kept me erect through several teen years...;-)

OK Dinners...enough Katy Manning already....;-).....there's never enough Katy Manning!!!! least not from when I was 14 anyroad...;-)

TORCHWOOD, a 'spin-off' from Doctor Who,  just keeps getting better and better. 'TORCHWOOD - Miracle Day' is, frankly, the most extraordinary show I've seen - apart from Doctor Who itself.
All of these are now dead apart from Captain Jack Harkness (centre) and the Welsh bird (far left) - Gwen Cooper played by Eve Myles......

If you haven't been watching it then don''ll have no idea WTF is going on. Get the Box Set later.

Actually, if you're new to TORCHWOOD then get every box set.

Apart from Captain Jack and the Welsh bird everyone else that worked for TORCHWOOD through Series 1 to 3 is Series 4...Torchwood : Miracle Day. Showing now on BBC 1 every Friday at 9pm.

TORCHWOOD was initiated by Queen Victoria in an episode of Doctor Who by the way.....just so you know.

One day...many millenia from now, Captain Jack Harkness may well die after becoming The Face Of Bo.

Then again.....I'm a Doctor Who geek so what do I know?

Watch TORCHWOOD - but not now...get the Box Sets.

I think we can safely say we've established I love TORCHWOOD....and John Barrowman - but in a manly way of course.....

Nowt wrong with being a geek over a TV show....

Remember Hill Street Blues?.....oh that was a show!!!!!....but right's TORCHWOOD

Laters....'And Hey!....Let's be careful out there"

Tuesday, 16 August 2011

Guest Post : A Tribute To Scampi From Maximus Spittimus

Man Two Legs came downstairs this morning. Scampi had been a bit wobblymuss lately. I think we all knew he was nearing the end.

Still, 22 years is a good age for a cat! He had been sleeping on an armchair for two weeks and Scampi never slept in any chair.....he slept outside in all weathers and only came in when he was sickimuss - and even then the Two Legs had to wear thick gloves to take him to the Vets!!!!

The Two Legs put a blanky in the kitchen near the cat flap so he could run out when he wanted. Scampi slept on his blankymuss. He stopped running out of the cat flap.

He was lying on his blanky in the kitchen. When man Two Legs walked in to put the kettle on - what is kettle? - Scampi meowed.

Man Two Legs picked him up - that was when I knew. NOBODY. NOBODY ever picked up Scampi.

Man Two Legs carried him to water bowlimuss and tried to get him to drink. He meowed again and Man Two Legs put him back on his blanky.

His will was still there but his old body was letting him down.

Man Two Legs called Lady Two Legs and Little Two Legs and they stroked him and kissed him and he went. Just like that.

Seconds before he went he did something oddimuss.

When his sister, Tiddler, was here he used to put his right paw on her head.

He raised his right paw and held it in mid-air for a while......then he went.

My Scampi has gone.

I am bereft....I am inconsolableimuss....I am hungry....

Feed me!

I is MAXIMUS SPITTIMUS and I has lost my FEED ME!!!!
Bye old friend...sleep tight...Fourdinners, Caz and Jax  xxxxxx

Friday, 12 August 2011

I Predict A Riot

There were 'chancers' out for a laugh or a free Plasma screen TV. There were people who wouldn't ordinarily get involved in this sort of thing but it seemed like fun. Apparently.

A millionaires daughter, a teacher, a Life Guard. People who you'd think wouldn't be there were there and did join in.

They were the minority within the minority though. They weren't the problem.

The 'problem' was, and is, the majority of the minority that created mayhem and anarchy.

Now I do believe a certain amount of anarchy is good for everyones soul personally, but burning down your local community shops doesn't seem particularly high on the intelligence scale.

As one mother stated regarding her young sons involvement - "If yer treat 'em like scum then they'll act like scum"

er....sorry?....You're justifying your young son smashing up his local community shops and causing grief and distress to innocents?....AH! I see.....You were allowed to breed....Quite...

Now most of us have read 'Oliver Twist' haven't we? There's been a 'criminal underclass' in England since before politics came into being - or at least before politicians came into being.

Unfortunately we've had around 13 years of (supposedly) Socialist/Liberal government primarily under that awful creature Tony Bliar.

The Labour party went to war on 'families' and 'English' ways and, frankly, won.

The result has been single mothers that are, on a good day, three brain cells short of plant life and pretty much 'feral' children who've never had a 'clip around the ear hole' because it isn't politically correct and their mothers would never hurt their little preciouses just because they kicked Mr Singh's kid in the head for being a Paki - the fact Mr Singh's kid is actually English of Indian decent would be entirely lost on both mother and precious child.

I have no idea what so ever what the solution is - clearly extermination camps are a no-no. Preventing breeding is equally not a place to go unless Joseph Mengele has been re-incarnated into our Home Secretary...somewhat unlikely methinks...

Interestingly - well I think it is anyroad - virtually all 'rioters' were black or white depending on the areas of the 'riots'.

Very very very few were Asian.

What does that tell us?

Asian culture and communities are heavily into 'family' and the elders guiding the young to keep them on the 'straight and narrow'.

That's why there were so few Asian 'looters'.

That's why Bliar and our 'liberal elite' can never be forgiven.

We are reaping what they sowed under nearly 13 years of Labour government.

If Labour is ever elected to power again in my lifetime....or my daughters lifetime come to that, we deserve all we get.

Be careful out there eh?

Tuesday, 9 August 2011

London's Burning.....

...So's Nottingham and Liverpool and Bristol and a few other places come to that.

Last night's 'riot's' came as close as Ealing. Ealing???? Nice, quiet, leafy Ealing??? About 20 minutes up the road from me.

WTF is going on???? Some black kid gets shot by the police - he did have a gun incidentally which tends to put you at risk of being shot by the police....or is that just to simple for these kids to comprehend before the bullet goes through their stupid brains? - and riots kick off everywhere?

Bollocks! Plastic bullets and water cannon. A few dumb kids die? Tough. Law abiding citizens are having their lives disrupted - and in some cases their lives turned upside down by their homes being burned down and their cars torched.

Hit a few of these kids with plastic bullets....a few die and they'll soon back off.

Meet fire with fire.

All the shops closed by mid-afternoon today in Hayes. Sainsbury's and Tesco's, the two largest supermarkets closed their doors.

I can understand small businesses 'locking down' to protect themselves but large nationwide companies?

The big companies clearly have no balls. They are being held to ransom by young thugs, accurately described by one lady on the news as 'feral rats'.

Broadcaster and author Darcus Howe tried to make the riot's racial - and it is clear that the majority are indeed black, but certainly not all. White and Asian youths are happily taking part too.

Someone is manipulating them. Someone is organising them.

Whether a group or a few individuals, someone with intelligence - warped perhaps but intelligence none the less - is 'arranging' these anarchistic occurences.

Hayes Town (Downtown Mogadishu) is closed for business since around 3pm today. Uxbridge likewise.


Because London is deploying 16,000 police officers tonight - very very few of whom will be remotely near Hayes or Uxbridge.

The 'rioters' are clearly violent morons in general. Sub-normal uneducated idiots. But whoever - or whatever - is 'running the show' is/are clearly well organised.

The 'outer boroughs' of London can see it coming.

Nobody knows whether it will happen again at all, where it will happen or when it will happen.

Haven't a scooby myself.

I've got my bayonets at the ready.

You allow the colonisation of your country by alien cultures and masses of similar cultures, closely followed by high unemployment amongst poorly educated and ill disciplined youth who haven't the intelligence to escape the poverty and the lack of a future......

I wonder what you get?

Nice one politicians. Nice one.

Later's and let's be even more careful out there eh?

Monday, 8 August 2011

Now That Was A Week and it's only Monday!!

Saturday...which I agree is, technically, the previous week, was a blast. Jacqui came home from 6 weeks in Madagascar. A field trip related to her Geography degree.

Several days within the 6 weeks completely cut off from civilisation studying the wlidlife - which sadly, didn't include singing dancing Lemurs despite what the movie suggested. Damn. I wanted one.

She has some incredible pics which will, no doubt, filter down to me at some point and I will proudly display.

For now....the most important pic in my eyes....Jax hugging a weeping Caz as she appeared through 'Arrivals' at Heathrow Airport...Jax expression says it all!..."Oh for Gods sake mother!!!"....;-)

I readily admit....that was the hardest 6 weeks of my life...but also the proudest in a way....Jax worked with an Oxford Professor and her work will appear before The United Nations at some point regarding the natural environment of Madagascar against the needs of farming and such like.

Apparently...her work may even be published at some point...I'll let you know if and when....

My baby's back safe and well. Nuff said.

In the meantime a bus damaged my car during a driving lesson. The bus duly carried on with the driver seemingly oblivious.

"Follow that bus" I cried to my driving student - who was still slightly alarmed at a bus 'brushing' against the car - buses being inordinantly big.

The damage is minor....a bit of paint work...but, as the car is leased I'm buggered if I'm paying for the damage.

We caught up with the bus and I 'took control'. Using my dual controls, I reversed the car in front of the bus to prevent it moving away from its next bus stop.

"You clipped my car" I said to the (clearly Asian) driver.

In fairness he was cool about it and even said later "I doubt a driving instructor would do what you did if it wasn't true"

Being in a very large vehicle he didn't feel the 'brush' and I believe him.

As we exchanged details several passengers got off the bus, clearly annoyed at their journey being interrupted.

Oddly?....All the white passengers remained on board. All those who alighted were clearly Asian/black and without a doubt, muslim.- as was, equally clearly after learning his surname, the driver.

The muslim passengers became very aggressive very quickly.

"You are holding us up!"....."Leave our dirver alone!"....."You are a thief!!"

I have no idea what the last statement meant.

The driver, to his credit, attempted to usher them back on the bus.

Dinners, as you may not be surprised to learn, said "Piss off and mind you're own business...I'm sorting it out with the driver"....ever the diplomat eh?...;-)

One muslim passenger leaned into my face. "You are lying!!!"

My head went back as the 'red mist' descended.

It was similar to a 'Pimms O'Clock moment' really - as per TV adverts in Blighty....

"Picnic blankets? Mums and dads? It's Pimms O' Clock!"

"Wedding party? Embarrassing dancing? It must be Pimms O' Clock!"

"MY FOREHEAD? YOUR NOSE?......etc etc...

The driver - very much to his credit - suddenly appeared between us with his back to me and ushered the dickhead away.

As headbutting the driver in his back would have been grossly unfair I allowed the 'red mist' to dissipate.


1) My car is damaged - albeit only slightly -
2) I was prevented from nutting a mouthy muzzie - probably for the best -
3) Caz burst into tears when Jax emerged from Customs at Heathrow - no surprise there then -
4) I didn't burst into tears when Jax emergef from Customs at Heathrow - I'm a man I am (I so so nearly did)...;-)
5) I am finally drinking a bottle of voddy as tomorrow is a day off for Caz's birthday and I've got the day off.

We're all off to Winchester for the day...I have no idea why...some'at to do with seeing the Cathedral I think but I'm halfway down my litre of voddy and can't remember....


A day with Caz 'n Jax. Just us. (Max would be welcome too incidentally...the only boyfriend I've never growled at and he did take care of her in Madagascar after all).

Life is good.

Stay out of my way First Bus.....I'm looking to stitch you up....and trust me...I will.

Later's and let's all be well careful out there eh?

Tuesday, 2 August 2011

Buddy Can You Spare A Dime?

Apparently America is skint. They are struggling to pay their debts.

I have just realised why I am delighted at this turn of events.

We're ALL bloody skint you political morons.

We've been skint for bloody ages!

Take Britain.....somebody pleeeease take Britain....I'm not sure we want it anymore...

Well....we do's supposed to be OUR country...but there are lots of things that are supposed to be eh?

I can just hear Barnsley Sime saying "Chill Dinners" already...stop ranting....I CAN'T!!!

I couldn't give a tuppeny fuck if America is skint.

I could give a tuppeny fuck that Britains elderly and Britains kids and Britains people are NOT getting what they deserve.

Well...not unless they are bloody Somalian muslims they aren't.

50 odd billion pounds to India who have their own Space Programme?????

Come oooooooon!!!!....We've just thrashed them at cricket.....tell them to fuck off and fund their own shit.

Rocket Science?.....Clearly it is to our politicians.

You want a rant? not but when did that ever stop me eh?...;-)

Parts of East london are now apparently under Shariah Law.....I kid you not....

Posters are sprouting up on bus stops and everywhere advising East Londoners that they now live under Shariah Law.

It's not a joke.


Fuck America being skint....their problem....


Do You?

Gold Card carrying member of the BNP.....and bloody PROUD TO BE RIGHT NOW.

You don't approve?....fair enough....give me an alternative then. I'll listen. I always do.


We're going to hell in a handbasket but I won't lie down.

This is my daughters and democratic ( and slightly corrupt actually) but it's all we've got and we have to defend it.

I will.

Will you?

Have any of you any idea of quite how serious this shit is getting?

Be careful out there...and don't you dare smoke or drink alcohol if you live under Shariah law!!!!

ps....Caz pointed out something very very spooky.....


9th September and 7th July.

That shit in Norway?


July 2011.

Lots of 7's and 11's eh?

"What about the 9's?" I asked with a smug expression...

"Try adding 7 and two one's" she replied.

I think I'd better go to bed now and dream of something nice...........