On July 7th, 2005 a bunch of morons blew up a London bus, a tube train carriage and failed abyssmally to blow anything else up. It is, I'm sure, small concellation to the families and friends of the victims but at least the bloody idiots blew themselves up at the same time.
Now I've long puzzled about suicide bombers - as far as I know it's primarily, if not totallly, an Islamic sort of thing. I don't recall the IRA or The Red Brigade or Shining Path or any other terrorist dickheads blowing themselves up with their bombs....well, not intentionally anyroad.
I suppose, sooner or later, it'll happen again. Stands to reason really. When you allow 'the enemy' to live within your borders you're kind of asking for it aren't you.
I've often wondered who trains the suicide bombers. The advert for 'Suicide Bomber Trainer' must run pretty regularly in the Islamic press.
"Good morning, I am your trainer...I will only show you how to do this once"
Fundamental Islamists aren't the only 'suiciders' around though. Lately, more and more Squirrels and Foxes are at it.
Not blowing themselves up obviously - well I'm not aware of any terrorist Squirrels.
Urban Squirrels and Foxes have adapted to their enviroments destruction remarkabley well. Urban foxes are actually noticeably larger than their rural cousins as the food supply in towns is significantly greater than in the countryside. Squirrels too seem to be thriving.
So why, I wonder, are there so many squashed ones on the roads?
If they've adapted so successfully to urban dwelling, how come they haven't adapted to the car?...not in the driving sense I hasten to add...I'll teach pretty much anyone to drive but draw the line at squirrels...
How come they can't seem to get it?
You run in the road when a bus is coming you get squashed.
They've lived in urban areas long enough for them to understand this. They've had more than enough time for their instincts to adapt to this.
I can only assume that a number of squirrels - and foxes - have a natural inclination to commiting suicide.
Thereby leading to the logical conclusion that a percentage of squirrels and foxes have converted to Islamic fundamentalism.
Now that's what logic does for you.....
Laters, and let's be careful of exploding squirrels out there.....
Why is it so wrong to want YOUR country to be YOUR country? Why is it so politically incorrect to want this?
My Asian neighbours agree with me. My black friends agree with me - I happen to know this because I've asked them....
Come to that, my pal Mohammed Noor agrees with me...and, given he's called Mohammed it isn't rocket science to establish that he is muslim is it?
Now I'm not an aggessive man...generally....my friends know they can express THEIR opinions to me without fear of retribution because their opinions may differ to mine.
THIS IS ENGLAND.
This is NOT another country somewhere else in the world. THIS IS ENGLAND.
I AM (by the natural course of events...ie...birth) ENGLISH.
My pal Mo Noor took a driving lesson with me today. As we drove through Hayes Town I happened to say to him 'Peek-a-boo warning!!!' which I tend to say to all my students when we pass one of those ridiculous veiled creatures who seem to have taken a wrong turn at Islamabad and ended up here instead of Iran...
He cracked up.
He knows.
He knows he's my pal and I would never ever ever do anything to hurt him...or indeed his wife and child who have recently joined him from Kenya...his 18 month old daughter is absolutely beautiful by the way...and she gurgled and grinned at me as she sat in my lap the other night....she also crapped her nappy but that's babies for you eh?..;-)
He also knows I won't take shit from anyone or anywhere.
A Gold Card carrying member of the BNP with a pal who is a Kenyan muslim.
Chew on that left wing liberal elite.
I don't hate muslims like Mo Noor and his family...or the Mahmoods who have lived three doors down for longer than I've lived here....
I hate immigrants who don't appreciate...and respect...MY country.
...and there's far too many who fit right into THAT catregory.
Assimilate to England or suffer the consequences of thinking people like me...English people...will live with it...put up with it.
We won't.
You want to stay here and stay safe.....learn from Mo Noor and the Mahmoods. They appreciate the better life they've made over here and recognise that Islamabad isn't down the road from London or Manchester or Birmingham.
That's what we need my muslim friends.
...and that's what we'll, ultimately, get.....if you want to stay here and stay safe.
Even the English can say 'ENOUGH'...and you really don't want that to happen....
Saturday...which I agree is, technically, the previous week, was a blast. Jacqui came home from 6 weeks in Madagascar. A field trip related to her Geography degree.
Several days within the 6 weeks completely cut off from civilisation studying the wlidlife - which sadly, didn't include singing dancing Lemurs despite what the movie suggested. Damn. I wanted one.
She has some incredible pics which will, no doubt, filter down to me at some point and I will proudly display.
For now....the most important pic in my eyes....Jax hugging a weeping Caz as she appeared through 'Arrivals' at Heathrow Airport...Jax expression says it all!..."Oh for Gods sake mother!!!"....;-)
I readily admit....that was the hardest 6 weeks of my life...but also the proudest in a way....Jax worked with an Oxford Professor and her work will appear before The United Nations at some point regarding the natural environment of Madagascar against the needs of farming and such like.
Apparently...her work may even be published at some point...I'll let you know if and when....
My baby's back safe and well. Nuff said.
In the meantime a bus damaged my car during a driving lesson. The bus duly carried on with the driver seemingly oblivious.
"Follow that bus" I cried to my driving student - who was still slightly alarmed at a bus 'brushing' against the car - buses being inordinantly big.
The damage is minor....a bit of paint work...but, as the car is leased I'm buggered if I'm paying for the damage.
We caught up with the bus and I 'took control'. Using my dual controls, I reversed the car in front of the bus to prevent it moving away from its next bus stop.
"You clipped my car" I said to the (clearly Asian) driver.
In fairness he was cool about it and even said later "I doubt a driving instructor would do what you did if it wasn't true"
Being in a very large vehicle he didn't feel the 'brush' and I believe him.
As we exchanged details several passengers got off the bus, clearly annoyed at their journey being interrupted.
Oddly?....All the white passengers remained on board. All those who alighted were clearly Asian/black and without a doubt, muslim.- as was, equally clearly after learning his surname, the driver.
The muslim passengers became very aggressive very quickly.
"You are holding us up!"....."Leave our dirver alone!"....."You are a thief!!"
I have no idea what the last statement meant.
The driver, to his credit, attempted to usher them back on the bus.
Dinners, as you may not be surprised to learn, said "Piss off and mind you're own business...I'm sorting it out with the driver"....ever the diplomat eh?...;-)
One muslim passenger leaned into my face. "You are lying!!!"
My head went back as the 'red mist' descended.
It was similar to a 'Pimms O'Clock moment' really - as per TV adverts in Blighty....
"Picnic blankets? Mums and dads? It's Pimms O' Clock!"
"Wedding party? Embarrassing dancing? It must be Pimms O' Clock!"
"MY FOREHEAD? YOUR NOSE?......etc etc...
The driver - very much to his credit - suddenly appeared between us with his back to me and ushered the dickhead away.
As headbutting the driver in his back would have been grossly unfair I allowed the 'red mist' to dissipate.
So.
1) My car is damaged - albeit only slightly -
2) I was prevented from nutting a mouthy muzzie - probably for the best -
3) Caz burst into tears when Jax emerged from Customs at Heathrow - no surprise there then -
4) I didn't burst into tears when Jax emergef from Customs at Heathrow - I'm a man I am (I so so nearly did)...;-)
5) I am finally drinking a bottle of voddy as tomorrow is a day off for Caz's birthday and I've got the day off.
We're all off to Winchester for the day...I have no idea why...some'at to do with seeing the Cathedral I think but I'm halfway down my litre of voddy and can't remember....
Still.
A day with Caz 'n Jax. Just us. (Max would be welcome too incidentally...the only boyfriend I've never growled at and he did take care of her in Madagascar after all).
Life is good.
Stay out of my way First Bus.....I'm looking to stitch you up....and trust me...I will.
Later's and let's all be well careful out there eh?
Have you seen 'Avatar'...alternatively....are you alive?
Carol's best pal, Janet, leader and head honcho of Hillingson Cats Protection had some growth thingy on her face. 'It's not cancer' said the Doc, 'it's a thing that mimics cancer'.
Mimics?....I thought ventriloquists did the mimicking.....'You have cancer of the ventriloquist and will die shortly'
Anyroad, the doctors removed it and gave her blue stitches. The left side of her face is blue. As I quite fancied that 'Avatar' 8 feet tall with a tail babe I have chosen to remain silent on the matter.....
In the meantime, one of my driving students is a Chef.
He is young and talented in the Chef business.
I know he is young mainly because I am not, I know he's talented because he makes me things to eat and they taste good - or occasionally GREAT!
Precisely what I am eating is often a mystery but, as it tastes good, I am happy.
One day he burst into tears in the middle of a lesson.
It turned out he was being bullied at work by the Head Chef and pretty much everyone else that worked there.
After suffering health difficulties early in life to do with the heart - well sorted now - he ended up being very quiet and quite insular - he hasn't got a multitude of pals.
I like this lad very much. He could never be my daughters boyfriend because he is too young (and besides I like Max enormously anyway) however, if he was older and was my daughters boyfriend I would be well chuffed.
Why?
He is kind and gentle.
I arranged an interview at my local pub - as I'm teaching the landlady to drive. Her 'partner' is the Chef - with a very good background too - he 'Cheffed' at a couple of major London Hotels before managing the kitchen at Number 10 Downing Street (disappointingly failing to poison the Prime Minister)
He will be starting in a couple of weeks.
Driving Instructor, Social Worker (several of my students) and now....Employment Agency.
All in one car.
I'm bloody good I am.
Good luck Craig...you well deserve a break young man.
Laters and let's be careful out there eh?
ps...'Torchwood' is fucking awesome!!!!.....more soon
I have sat cross legged on the floor, put my thumbs together and said "Ohmmm" several times.
Then I drank some voddy and repeated the exercise.....
My li'l bro Sime is quite right. I switched to DILLIGAF II to chill not rant away and off I went again...ranting away.
Daft old bugger.
As a Driving Instructor my car is like the bloody United Nations - not entirely surprising given I live near Heathrow Airport I suppose.
Ukranian, Bulgarian, Indian, Sri Lankan, Spanish, Kenyan, Vietnamese, Irish, Welsh, Scottish, Latvian, Lithuanian, Argentinian, Brazilian, Somalian.......and that's the students past and present I can bring to mind immediately...oh...yeah...a few English as well...;-)
I rapidly reached the conclusion that learning to drive and indeed, becoming a good driver is not related in any way shape or form to intelligence.
One of my students believed, and, as far as I know, still believes that the 30 odd sheep we saw grazing on a steep hill on one of the Staines Reservoir's all facing the same way were doing so as they'd been specially bred with their right legs shorter than their left in order to graze on steep inclines - turning around would result in them falling over and rolling down the hill.
I didn't actually think she'd entirely believed me until we saw a dozen or so the next driving lesson facing the opposite way.
"Oh look Dinners! They've got their left legs shorter!" she exclaimed excitedly.....
"Bugger the sheep...watch where you're going!"......I think I must be evil....;-)
Passing your Driving Test is a bloody lottery you know.
My best student by far took 3 bloody goes!!!
"You drive better than me" said the Examiner.
"I've passed then?" she asked
"Unfortunately not" he replied.
Uh?......Don't ask me...I'm just more qualified than the Examiner...he/she just asseses on the day....I train them for the day from scratch.
"You drive better than me but you've failed"......now explain that one to me!!!
Still, I've never been happier in my life than I am now - at least as far as a job goes.
"What's this £70?" I asked a student
"Well I forgot to pay you for the last 2 lessons so here it is"
I had no idea - it drives Caz crazy....."Dinners!!!! You're meant to be a businessman now!!!"
