Friday, 23 December 2011

2012 Predictions....

Have a great Chrissie peeps and a peaceful New Year eh?

Prez Obama gets blown away at the next American election. Shame. I think he's probably a decent chap - which never bodes well in politics. Someone from something called 'The Tea Party' gets elected and the Earth gets nuked....If I'm right, prediction over.....although his wifey has got rather a fat bottom...

Call Me Dave Cameron finally gets fed up with Little Nicky Clegg and the Liberals and shoots the idiot. Admitedly this is long shot...oops..pardon the pun...

More likely, Argentina realise that America is fucked, Europe hate us (especially Napoleon Sarkozy and Fuhrer Merkel) and re-invade The Falklands. Britain, having suffered ludicrous cuts to its military send in troops who get the crap kicked out of them whilst Britain continues to give billions to Europe and India who are, in chronological order, stupid (Europe) and have a nuclear and space programme (India).

Call Me Dave Cameron suggests that it was incompetence by the military leadership rather than the disfunctional catapults and spud guns that caused the death of over a thousand British service men and women in the South Atlantic.....

Everybody says 'WTF?' and votes in Ed Milliband and The Labour Party who have already made super human efforts to bankrupt the country previously, at which point every sane, and insane, Englishman and woman leaves for New Zealand as it looks very nice and has Hobbits.

The Arab Spring turns into The Al Qaida Floor Show and everyone who isn't an Islamist in Egypt, Syria, Algeria, Libya and all those strange Arab places gets shot/hung/taxed or probably all three for being 'not an Islamist'.....

Greece calls on John Travolta to save them as they haven't realised the spelling is different in English and also fail to realise he's now both fat and believes in Martians...

Former Liverpool and Scotland football player Alan Hansen dresses up as a Black and White Minstrel on Match Of The Day in order to show his support for coloured players - who apparently prefer to be called 'black' thereby excluding Manchester United's Park Ji-Sung who clearly isn't black. Park Ji-Sung sues all black footballers for racism and shoots Sir Alex Ferguson for calling him 'yellow' after he avoids a 50/50 challenge in the Europa league....

Kevin Spacey re-makes the 2012 movie as 2020 when he realises if his 2012 movie is correct, he's fucked too.

Katy Price is arrested for raping Harvey. Harvey pleads insanity, Katy Price gets her tits out and Peter Andre is sent for counselling.....former footballer Dwight Yorke remains unavailable for comment...

Sharia Law is invoked in the County of Devon to avoid a strike by the Chef and Waiters of 'The Raj Pott' in Okehampton'....

A Northern England born Driving Instructor now residing in Hayes Town is arrested for losing what few marbles he has left and mowing down men in dresses and women who may or may not be women as they are hidden underneath large black Bedhouin tents in the High Street.....his driving student claims he shouted 'AAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!" before mowing said dress wearing men and Bedhouin tent wearing women down....

A new ginger cat arrives at The Dinners household by the name of 'Nushka' courtesy of Jax. Dinners has no idea how or why this has occured so feeds it anyway. The current cats A) Accept Nushka, B) Ignore Nushka, C) Beat the crap out of Nushka.

The Mayan's calender is proved accurate and we all die.......or

The Mayan's calender is proved bullshit and the World continues to turn......

I have no idea which I would prefer in so so many ways....

Happy New Year!


  1. Hard to say how our next elections will go but I can assure you of one thing. No matter who is in office after them it'll be another fucking idiot.

    I expect humanity to tumble but not in 2012, may be the start of it though. If I'm still here to see the worst of it I hope I have some beer and brandy handy.

    Enjoy your christmas.

  2. Hell, enjoy every day you can from here on.

  3. Well if kitty doesn't work out you can always ship her over to my place. I am at present sans cat.

    Didn't they used to have a video game some years back where the object was to run over pedestrians? Maybe we could get you a copy.

  4. Things would go better if we didn't have all these fucking religious idiots on this rock.

  5. Torres not moving to Oldham then after Chelsea release him and they have an amazing cup and league run with him scoring an average of 4.2 goals a game?

    Good - he can join Gillingham then!

    Happy Christmas old bean

  6. And now it's christmas day.

    Easy day for me, I don't get into all that bullshit.

    Have a good one, go easy on the libations.

  7. Sewmouse's Predictions: (*giggle*)

    Dinners will "Peek-a-boo" the wrong tent-with-eyes and find himself laid out by her large arab husband. This will make an interesting blog post.

    President Obama will be re-elected handily, as the Republican party cannot find a candidate with two qualifications - 1) capable of defeating the President - and 2) BATSHIT crazy enough to keep the teapartiers happy.

    Iran will invade either Iraq or Israel. Either way, we get sucked back into that godforsaken hell-hole called the middle-east.

    The UK tells the EU to FOAD*. The EU cries in it's belgian chocolate.

    Sewmouse becomes a grandma and turns her fingers into mincemeat working on quilties.

    (*FOAD = Fuck Off And Die)

  8. I dont have any 2012 prediction's Guy, but the same ole same shit ... heh, heh, heh, heh, heh : ) I remember spending New Years Eve climbing up on the monument at Trafalgar Square in the old dayz and raising Hell! Have a good Eve tonight Guy! : )

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