Tuesday, 26 July 2011

Chill Dinners...Chill!!!

I have sat cross legged on the floor, put my thumbs together and said "Ohmmm" several times.

Then I drank some voddy and repeated the exercise.....

My li'l bro Sime is quite right. I switched to DILLIGAF II to chill not rant away and off I went again...ranting away.

Daft old bugger.

As a Driving Instructor my car is like the bloody United Nations - not entirely surprising given I live near Heathrow Airport I suppose.

Ukranian, Bulgarian, Indian, Sri Lankan, Spanish, Kenyan, Vietnamese, Irish, Welsh, Scottish, Latvian, Lithuanian, Argentinian, Brazilian, Somalian.......and that's the students past and present I can bring to mind immediately...oh...yeah...a few English as well...;-)

I rapidly reached the conclusion that learning to drive and indeed, becoming a good driver is not related in any way shape or form to intelligence.

One of my students believed, and, as far as I know, still believes that the 30 odd sheep we saw grazing on a steep hill on one of the Staines Reservoir's all facing the same way were doing so as they'd been specially bred with their right legs shorter than their left in order to graze on steep inclines - turning around would result in them falling over and rolling down the hill.

I didn't actually think she'd entirely believed me until we saw a dozen or so the next driving lesson facing the opposite way.

"Oh look Dinners! They've got their left legs shorter!" she exclaimed excitedly.....

"Bugger the sheep...watch where you're going!"......I think I must be evil....;-)

Passing your Driving Test is a bloody lottery you know.

My best student by far took 3 bloody goes!!!

"You drive better than me" said the Examiner.

"I've passed then?" she asked

"Unfortunately not" he replied.

Uh?......Don't ask me...I'm just more qualified than the Examiner...he/she just asseses on the day....I train them for the day from scratch.

"You drive better than me but you've failed"......now explain that one to me!!!

Still, I've never been happier in my life than I am now - at least as far as a job goes.

"What's this £70?" I asked a student

"Well I forgot to pay you for the last 2 lessons so here it is"

I had no idea - it drives Caz crazy....."Dinners!!!! You're meant to be a businessman now!!!"

"It's more a vocation love"


"Er...any ideas on a vacation?"


  1. Chill?

    You arrived on this planet with few instructions, mostly just....

    Procreate (screw).
    Whine and bitch.

    But you can put the bitching on one blog and the light stuff on this one, just provide a link to the bitching post in your post in case anyone is interested in looking at it.

    Meanwhile, I'm trying to decide what to blow up if I get pissed enough. But for now I'll have a few beers and chill out.


  2. Billy : Ta for bothering old bean. You're a really good egg....you know that?

  3. ...sheep we saw grazing on a steep hill on one of the Staines Reservoir's all facing the same way were doing so as they'd been specially bred with their right legs shorter than their left...

    Dinners my friend given the similar stupidity I hear on a nightly basis by people who work on vital pieces of hospital equipment it is all I can do not to run off screaming in fear and begin digging some fallout shelter to prepare for the end of the world.

  4. "Er...any ideas on a vacation?"

    Before I step over the wrong line and it's too late to come and visit me?

  5. My strategy for selecting my post-docs was to only take those significantly better than I was; a humbling but fruitful experience :-)

  6. I love your driving instructor stories...

  7. BB : There's so much more...and I think I will henceforth confine/resign myself to mainly driving instructor stories....if I don't Sime will tell me off!!..;-)

    Billy : If I said 'I'd die to meet you' you'd know I was lying as I intend to be immortal....However...If there's one blogmate I want to meet it is you. It won't be this year old bean....but it might be next...if I have my bloody way for once - and I do...at least once a year...;-)

    I doubt I'll get Caz over but maybe Barnsley Sime?....Anyroad....Meeting you would be a goal I would have achieved that would mean a great deal to me....oh shut up you soppy git...

    Stu : Uh?...I spend most of my life feeling humble...that's what comes of liking clever sods like you!...;-)...Never stop being you old bean!

    Mr Fishy : Thanks old bean...after a bollocking from Barnsley Sime...many more to follow....oh dear...

  8. Caz has something against coming to America?

  9. Some bugger is upsetting people on my blog! It was your comment about it 'making sense'. Actually it made me laugh a lot. So thank you for causing some provocation and interest :) You seem to have a magnetic quality even on other blogs so I think you should keep all your blogs for different moods. I really do miss Mr Punk.

  10. Not really a comment Forde-Innes, more an experiment. Got Ruth staying, and she thinks she's solved the problem of my machine refusing to comment on your blog; so here goes :-

  11. vacation... you should have gone to Madagascar with J :-)

    Don't go to Turkey - my girl is off there next week for the second instalment in her tour of the world summer holiday!

  12. Billy : nothing at all old bean...it's just she thinks we're all bonkers in blogland. Plus she'd be loathe to leave Jacqui (unless I can tie it in to next years field trip to The Florida Evergades of course.....I've had an idea!!! First in months!!! And it's a good'n!!!!)

    Drummer : I was using sarkasme or spydighet as they say in Norway....Must have lost some'at in translation...;-) Magnetic? Well I am taking iron tablets for the blood...;-)

    Make & Ann : Welcome back!!!!

    Furtheron : Only Turkey I go near is at Christmas ;-)

  13. Billy : nothing at all old bean...it's just she thinks we're all bonkers in blogland.

    Of course we are all fucking bonkers, what worries me is the fact that she may not think she also is fucking bonkers. :-)

  14. Mike and Ann - tell tell tell what was done - I still can't comment from work!

  15. Billy : Married to me??? I think she knows...;-)

    Mousey : You should be working!!!...;-)

  16. Hello Sewmouse. My daughter went to my 'Dashboard', and found I had clicked on 'stay signed in'(there was a little tick showing in that box), she clicked on the box so the tick disappeared, and I have been able to comment on 4Ds blog again (and on one or two others that were playing up). Don't know if it will work for you, but it's worth trying.
    Regards, Mike.

  17. Well, here goes nothing... Let's see if Mike's Daughter can solve 2 problems with 1 solution...

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