Felt a wee bit down last post. Nowt serious. Just missing Jacqui who was completely out of contact in the depths of the Madagascan jungle for a week.
Now she's back at Base Camp 1 so she's back in touch via the £5.80 a minute satellite phone. I'm bankrupt and happy!!!
Besides, we're having a curry tonight.
I've got my first ever Bulgarian driving student. Sweet girl. She was a bit nervous until I said Hristo Stoichkov was a great footballer. Then she was very nervous as she realised her driving instructor was nuts!....;-)
I always greet new students who've never driven before with the same opening line and it never fails to have the desired effect.
"Please do exactly as I say or we are going to die"
Had a slightly odd conversation with a neighbour the other day.
Me : "Hey! You're new lodger is a midget!"
Her: "You can't say that! He's a Person of Restricted Growth!"
Me : "Yeah, a dwarf"
Her: "You can't say that either Dinners! It isn't politically correct!"
Me : "So he's a PORG then"
Her: "A what??"
Me : "Person of Restricted Growth...PORG...although if I was a midget I'd prefer midget or dwarf to PORG personally"
Her: "You'll get arrested one day Dinners. Saying 'Peek-a-boo' to those muzzie women with their faces covered"
Me: "Not my fauilt if the silly bitches haven't a sense of humour!"
Her: "And what about that Somalian you punched?"
Me: "But he called my Somalian driving student a 'whore' for being in a car with a white man!...I'm protective of my students I am"
Her: "But what about the one you punched over that stray dog?"
Me : "I didn't punch him! I just gave him a small slap is all!...Anyroad...I had to block the road to stop the dog getting run over. He had no right to have a go at me for holding him up when he could see I was rescuing a dog. This is ENGLAND! We're a nation of animal lovers. If he doesn't like it he can piss off back to Somalia and starve like the rest of 'em are! Besides, the dogs owners gave me a tenner for saving the daft pooch"
Her: "And what about the one's next door to you renting that house then?"
Me: "What about 'em?"
Her: "Did you or did you not have them complain to the police because you interrupt their prayer time?"
Me: "If I have have to listen to 'em wailing to bloody Mecca and watch 'em shove their arses in the air in the back garden then they can get a blast of The Sex Pistols full volume. Only fair"
Her: "Fair? What's fair about The Pistols on full volume?"
Me: "This is England babe"
At which point she gave up, turned away in a huff and tripped over the kerb.
There IS justice!...;-)
Laters and let's be careful out there eh?