Traditionally 'supplies' are purchased in the evening but, for some unknown reason, I decided to purchase a cigarette supply from a shop on my way home in the morning. A shop I have never frequented before.
"WELL HELLOOO MATE!!!" said the shopkeeper (SK) who I've never seen in my life before.
Me : "Er...howdo...er....60 Mayfair Cigarettes please" I replied slightly uncertainly.
SK : "60? You having a good session with some bird then?"
Me : "Sorry?"
SK : "A good session mate! Lots of smokes in between eh?"
Me : No comment...just a slightly bewildered expression which SK patently failed to notice.
SK : "I tried it on with the wife last night. You know what she said?...Put the bloody kettle on!"
Me : "Oh....er....I see....um..."
SK : "Mind you when I say a good session I reckon you're thinking 'I could be so lucky mate' eh?...eh? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!"
Me : "Er...well...um...I suppose so"
SK : "Damn right! Takes me 6 fucking months to get randy at my age and what does the bitch do?....Tells me to put the bloody kettle on! I ask you! What a fucking life eh?"
Me : "Does she take sugar?"
SK : "You what???"
Me : "In her tea?...Sugar...er...one or two?"
SK : "What are you on about mate? Here's you're cigarettes...60 right?"
Me : "Er...yeah...thanks...
SK : "Lovely to see you again mate! Have a great session eh?...eh?....HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!"
Me : "Er...ok...ta...cheers....bye"
SK : "Let me know how it goes!!!! Give her one for me eh?....eh?....HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"
Buying cigarettes around here has apparently become a rather odd process.
I would try nicotine patches and stop but, after today, I'm terrified what the Chemist might say to me.
How?...Why?....How and why do I seem to attract insane people? Even when I go in a shop to buy something mundane like cigarettes?
He didn't look crazy when I walked in...it isn't my fault....honest!!!
Laters and let's be careful out there eh?....eh?.....