Saturday, 21 January 2012

Fundamentalist Squirrels

On July 7th, 2005 a bunch of morons blew up a London bus, a tube train carriage and failed abyssmally to blow anything else up. It is, I'm sure, small concellation to the families and friends of the victims but at least the bloody idiots blew themselves up at the same time.

Now I've long puzzled about suicide bombers - as far as I know it's primarily, if not totallly, an Islamic sort of thing. I don't recall the IRA or The Red Brigade or Shining Path or any other terrorist dickheads blowing themselves up with their bombs....well, not intentionally anyroad.

I suppose, sooner or later, it'll happen again. Stands to reason really. When you allow 'the enemy' to live within your borders you're kind of asking for it aren't you.

I've often wondered who trains the suicide bombers. The advert for 'Suicide Bomber Trainer' must run pretty regularly in the Islamic press.

"Good morning, I am your trainer...I will only show you how to do this once"

Fundamental Islamists aren't the only 'suiciders' around though. Lately, more and more Squirrels and Foxes are at it.

Not blowing themselves up obviously - well I'm not aware of any terrorist Squirrels.

Urban Squirrels and Foxes have adapted to their enviroments destruction remarkabley well. Urban foxes are actually noticeably larger than their rural cousins as the food supply in towns is significantly greater than in the countryside. Squirrels too seem to be thriving.

So why, I wonder, are there so many squashed ones on the roads?

If they've adapted so successfully to urban dwelling, how come they haven't adapted to the car?...not in the driving sense I hasten to add...I'll teach pretty much anyone to drive but draw the line at squirrels...

How come they can't seem to get it?

You run in the road when a bus is coming you get squashed.

They've lived in urban areas long enough for them to understand this. They've had more than enough time for their instincts to adapt to this.

I can only assume that a number of squirrels - and foxes - have a natural inclination to commiting suicide.

Thereby leading to the logical conclusion that a percentage of squirrels and foxes have converted to Islamic fundamentalism.

Now that's what logic does for you.....

Laters, and let's be careful of exploding squirrels out there.....


  1. Unless they get reincarnated every groundhog day, survival of the fittest implies only the slow ones get run over.

    I hope you're teaching your pupils just to run over them and not cause an accident by trying to swerve around them.

  2. Religious zealots teach the muzzies to blow themselves up by brainwashing them. And you'll never see one of those teachers doing the same.

    There's always a certain percentage of dogs, cats deer, etc, and squirrels that just don't get it and get removed from the gene pool.

    And to some it's like a dare thing, "I can make it before it gets here." *smack* "Oh fuck, that hurts."

    "Here, hold my beer and watch this."

  3. We have Kamikazi birds here. Billy's right, they're Young Punk Teenage Birds out for kicks - they dive in front of moving vehicles. Some of them make it.

    We have suicide possum here. Not so many squirrels. A few geese. Raccoons - which is strange because raccoons are night-critters, and should be able to see the cars coming from a very long way off even in the dark.