Fundamentalist Squirrels

On July 7th, 2005 a bunch of morons blew up a London bus, a tube train carriage and failed abyssmally to blow anything else up. It is, I'm sure, small concellation to the families and friends of the victims but at least the bloody idiots blew themselves up at the same time.

Now I've long puzzled about suicide bombers - as far as I know it's primarily, if not totallly, an Islamic sort of thing. I don't recall the IRA or The Red Brigade or Shining Path or any other terrorist dickheads blowing themselves up with their bombs....well, not intentionally anyroad.

I suppose, sooner or later, it'll happen again. Stands to reason really. When you allow 'the enemy' to live within your borders you're kind of asking for it aren't you.

I've often wondered who trains the suicide bombers. The advert for 'Suicide Bomber Trainer' must run pretty regularly in the Islamic press.

"Good morning, I am your trainer...I will only show you how to do this once"

Fundamental Islamists aren't the only 'suiciders' around though. Lately, more and more Squirrels and Foxes are at it.

Not blowing themselves up obviously - well I'm not aware of any terrorist Squirrels.

Urban Squirrels and Foxes have adapted to their enviroments destruction remarkabley well. Urban foxes are actually noticeably larger than their rural cousins as the food supply in towns is significantly greater than in the countryside. Squirrels too seem to be thriving.

So why, I wonder, are there so many squashed ones on the roads?

If they've adapted so successfully to urban dwelling, how come they haven't adapted to the car?...not in the driving sense I hasten to add...I'll teach pretty much anyone to drive but draw the line at squirrels...

How come they can't seem to get it?

You run in the road when a bus is coming you get squashed.

They've lived in urban areas long enough for them to understand this. They've had more than enough time for their instincts to adapt to this.

I can only assume that a number of squirrels - and foxes - have a natural inclination to commiting suicide.

Thereby leading to the logical conclusion that a percentage of squirrels and foxes have converted to Islamic fundamentalism.

Now that's what logic does for you.....

Laters, and let's be careful of exploding squirrels out there.....

Who IS In Charge?....Just Wondering....

Now when Britain holds a General Election nobody wins. Sometimes Labour or Conservative get 30 odd percent of the vote outright and form a Government. This has always struck me as slightly bizarre seeing as a good 60 odd percent clearly haven't voted for them so it puzzles me quite how they can claim to have 'won' and got a mandate from the electorate. Perhaps I'm just stupid.

In a nutshell, this is more or less how the 'first past the post' system of democracy works. The only alternative seemingly being 'proportional representation' whereby nobody can ever win, ever.... and we're left with a constant 'hung Parliament' - which would be good if it meant we could hang them but sadly it doesn't - and we would probably have what we have now in perpetuity. Two political parties joining forces to 'run the show'.

However, it appears that two political parties joining up to 'run the show' are no better at being in charge than one party on its own has shown itself to be historically. (or if you prefer, hysterically)...

As you gaze at a map you see to Britain's East a rather large bit called Europe. We are, unfortunately, currently considered a part of this large bit called Europe thus enabling lots of other people who are part of this large bit to come to our own small bit (Britain).

This has proven to be not a good thing as many shops on our high streets previously with signs saying 'Grocers' and/or 'Newsagents' and/or 'General Stores' now say 'Polskie Sklep' thereby rendering them entirely useless to English people as we have no idea what worrying things may lurk within.

At least when the Asians took over our Bonaparte mantle of 'a nation of shokeepers' they kept the words on the signs so we knew more or less what to expect inside - admittedly, initially, odd looking things like Chicken Korma's appeared in the freezers but, in general, this was a small price to pay for being able to get a pint of milk on a Sunday or at 8 o'clock in the evening and know that, whatever else was in the shop you could get a newspaper, a pint of milk and a loaf of bread......

As Brussels, which for the geographically challenged is not a foul tasting vegetable but the capital of Belgium, is the home of lots of things 'European' including the awful 'European Court of Human Rights' it appears that 'they' may actually be 'in charge' over here too.

With the permission of Fuehrer Merkel and Germany of course....

They won't let us kick out terrorists as said terrorists are entitled to a family life and their pet cat would suffer terribly if they were kicked out to face quite reasonable charges in another country.

It's bad enough that the 'Europeans' seem to be in charge rather more than our dubiously elected home grown politicians but it's really coming to something when the bloody Americans are in charge over here too!!!

If you're still looking at the map you'll find America is on the left after the big blue thing......

Now I like America and Americans generally speaking. Those I have met have been incredibly open and friendly and the country itself is always good for a laugh - The Tea Party spring eternally to mind - and let's face it, what other country on Earth would elect as their President a man whose first name sounds like he's clearing his throat?

Gary McKinnon suffers from Aspergers Syndrome - a form of Autism. Like many who suffer this awful affliction, he is extraordinarily talented at a specific thing. In his case computers. So talented that he successfully 'hacked' into top secret things in America. He didn't do this to 'spy' but to look for evidence of aliens - and not the illegal type Europe won't let us kick out either - the 'little green men' type.

As a result America want him extradited so they can incarcerate him for 128 years or whatever.

The natural assumption of anybody, even if mildly short of seriously deranged, would be that Britain would respond to America with a polite "Sorry chaps, he's English and a sandwich short of a picnic so leave it to us chaps. Tally Ho!"

But no. We apparently have signed a treaty allowing Gary to be extradited and, despite all common sense thought on the matter being that he should be dealt with carefully and humanely in his own country, given his Autism, and was clearly searching for little green men and not trying to sabotage Western Democracy the intention is to send him over to the Yanks for trial.

And now there is another one!

Richard O'Dwyer has not broken any laws in Britain - as Gary McKinnon hadn't.

Richard found a loop hole and used it. He put up links on his website that guided people to sites where they could watch and download movies for free thereby avioding any payment to the appropriate people who should have been paid for said movie watching.

A bit dodgy certainly. Unethical perhaps, but not illegal.

Now he is to be extradited to America to serve 952 years or whatever once found guilty. (Actually I think it's more in the region of 20 odd years but does that actually matter?)

He certainly made a good sum of money off the site through advertising - as the site was understandly popular he was paid by some to advertise their stuff on it - but he wasn't actually breaking any law.

So.

WHO IS IN CHARGE?

Apparently everybody apart from the British people.

Right. I'm off to the Polskie Sklep to see if they have any Chicken Korma's......

Laters and let's be careful out there...The Europeans, Americans and, quite possibly, the little green men are watching you!

Is It Wrong?.......Is It?????

"Build a bonfire...

build a bonfire....

put politicians on the top....

put the muzzies in the middle...

and we'll burn the fucking lot"

Why is it so wrong to want YOUR country to be YOUR country? Why is it so politically incorrect to want this?

My Asian neighbours agree with me. My black friends agree with me - I happen to know this because I've asked them....

Come to that, my pal Mohammed Noor agrees with me...and, given he's called Mohammed it isn't rocket science to establish that he is muslim is it?

Now I'm not an aggessive man...generally....my friends know they can express THEIR opinions to me without fear of retribution because their opinions may differ to mine.

THIS IS ENGLAND.

This is NOT another country somewhere else in the world. THIS IS ENGLAND.

I AM (by the natural course of events...ie...birth) ENGLISH.

My pal Mo Noor took a driving lesson with me today. As we drove through Hayes Town I happened to say to him 'Peek-a-boo warning!!!' which I tend to say to all my students when we pass one of those ridiculous veiled creatures who seem to have taken a wrong turn at Islamabad and ended up here instead of Iran...

He cracked up.

He knows.

He knows he's my pal and I would never ever ever do anything to hurt him...or indeed his wife and child who have recently joined him from Kenya...his 18 month old daughter is absolutely beautiful by the way...and she gurgled and grinned at me as she sat in my lap the other night....she also crapped her nappy but that's babies for you eh?..;-)

He also knows I won't take shit from anyone or anywhere.

A Gold Card carrying member of the BNP with a pal who is a Kenyan muslim.

Chew on that left wing liberal elite.

I don't hate muslims like Mo Noor and his family...or the Mahmoods who have lived three doors down for longer than I've lived here....

I hate immigrants who don't appreciate...and respect...MY country.

...and there's far too many who fit right into THAT catregory.

Assimilate to England or suffer the consequences of thinking people like me...English people...will live with it...put up with it.

We won't.

You want to stay here and stay safe.....learn from Mo Noor and the Mahmoods. They appreciate the better life they've made over here and recognise that Islamabad isn't down the road from London or Manchester or Birmingham.

That's what we need my muslim friends.

...and that's what we'll, ultimately, get.....if you want to stay here and stay safe.

Even the English can say 'ENOUGH'...and you really don't want that to happen....

Trust me...I'm from Oldham...

Laters...and let's be careful out there...

Did You Ever.....?

Have you ever used those toilets with a timer on the light?

We had one of those at Menzies World Cargo at Heathrow Airport....I assume they still do. If you sat on the pan for too long the light would go out.

Marvellous if you'd tottered into work suffering from dia...dairre....the shits yeah?

Happened to hear some'at on TV that reminded me of a particularly unfortunate episode regarding timed toilets....two actually.....

Sadly, both involved yours truly....

On one occasion I did indeed crawl into work for Menzies World Cargo whilst suffering severely from an attack of the shits.

I retired to the required place and sat on the pan.

Several minutes later it was clear that leaving the pan was not advisable so I sensibly remained ensconsed.

The lights went out. Just like that. Blink.

It appeared the time had run out for anyone to be so ensconsed....having the 'shits' not, seemingly, being taken into account by the powers that be...no change there then.....'why should we pay you for you having a crap eh?' would probably have been their come back....

I frantically waved my arms about - realising that the lights were regulated by 'movement'.

Nothing. Clearly the 'movement' had to be outside the cubicle.

Fair enough.

I found the lock and, bent double, trousers around the ankles, I tottered out like a particularly demented version of Quasimodo and waved my arms about.

The lights came back on and, as they did, a complete stranger walked through the door of the toilets.

He was new to the company and hadn't, at this point, joined the Union.

I, at this point, was the Acting Convenor of said Union therefore the most highly placed Union Official in the company.

He gazed at this apparition before him.....The Acting Union Convenor, trousers around ankles and waving his arms about....

"Have you filled in your Union Membership form yet?" I asked.

For some unfathomable reason I don't believe he ever did....

Since becoming a Driving Instructor I have had recourse to need a toilet urgently suffering from a similar affliction to that mentioned above.

There is a 'pay for use' toilet at Hatton Cross at Heathrow and I needed it badly.

I parked up and rushed to said toilet facility.

It would only open if you inserted 50 pence. I didn't have 50 pence.

After kicking it a few times I resigned myself to the fact I had to get a 50 pence piece.

After a number of failed attempts to prize 50 p from several foreigners scatterd about Hatton Cross I threatened one with dismemberment and aquired 50 p.

I placed said 50 p in the door and it opened.

I rushed to the toilet and dropped my trousers, settling down with a relieved 'sigh'.

A 'Flood of Budgies' ensued...and if you don't know what that means...a bit of imagination eh?

I was relieved in every sense of the word.

I then proceeeded, as you do, to wipe my bottom.

At this point I felt quite chilly...a breeze seemed to be emanating from somewhere.

I had no idea that you had to actually press a button to close the door....which, I hasten to add, was quite a distance from the required receptacle hence I hadn't actually noticed I was exposed in no uncertain terms to the local transient populace at Hatton Cross.

Several foreign personages were peering into my private ablutions, clearly fascinated with the 'method' employed by the English.....

Is it any wonder I fucking hate Heathrow Airport?

Just came to mind via some'at I heard on TV a few minutes back.

Fuck off Michael McIntyre.....funny bastard!

Laters n let's be careful out there eh?

Jingle Bombs

Well...there we have it...another year over...another Chrissie gone...pretty peaceful and enjoyable time too - unless you happened to be in a church in Nigeria and on the receiving end of the Islamists....

Never mind...we're safe...it could never happen over here could it?

Had a cracker myself - hope you did too.

House all decked out with a wonky tree.....either the tree was leaning or I was...probably me...

Radio and TV is full of advertisements for giving your hard earned to some kids in Africa or wherever so they don't shuffle off cause their Dictator or dodgy government won't pay up to save them....sorry kids...if your own kind won't help you're screwed...buggered if I will...Bah Humbug eh?

Only Christmas spirit worth it is vodka...;-)

Courtesy of the Senior and Junior Management my Doctor Who Box Sets is now complete with both Matt Smith's series so I feel a 'Doctor Who Day' coming on....Rise at 10...slob in the arm chair watching every episode from Christopher Ecclestone's supurb one series outing through David Tennants extraordinary time and, I've finally got Tennant out of my system and started appreciating matt Smith's efforts.

A day of Doctor Who supplemented with bacon sandwiches and vodka......can't wait!!!

Jax aka The Junior Management was home for most of Chrissie - went out with 'the girls' one night but spent the rest either here or in Essex with Max. It was soooooo good to have her home!!!

Caz aka The Senior Management continued to decline making a personal appearance on DILLIGAF II - wise lady that she is.....I did, however, manage to coax her down The 5 Bells in Harmondsworth for New Years Eve and she admitted she bloody well enjoyed herself!!!

Jax headed off in the general direction of Trafalgar Square for New Years Eve - hope she wore a coat...it wasn't THAT bloody warm!!!...;-)

New Years Resolutions?

Carry on carrying on mainly. Say what I mean and mean what I say.

I think I may have startled a few SFRadio peeps during my January 2nd 2011 Review Show when they saw my BNP link on this blog. Tried to explain I'm not actually a racist I'm just a worried Englishman.....I suspect some are too left wing liberal to comprehend the danger this country is really in. Maybe not today or tomorrow but soon enough.

Never mind. I've often found that I can accept views I disagree with far more readily than left wing liberals can.

Odd really. You'd think left wing liberals would have an open mind. It appears not. You are understandably worried about the colonisation of your country by alien cultures therefore you're clearly a fascist nazi racist colour prejudiced islamophobe...not necessarily in that order..;-)

Strikes me most of them haven't got a mind capable of considering alternative viewpoints. Left wing liberals almost invariably seem to suffer from what I call 'Ostrich Syndrome'.......

Well...Tally-Ho!!! Bring on 2012 and be careful out there won't you!!!

4D x

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